Post your One liners

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Post your One liners

Post  Guest on Tue Aug 06, 2013 10:53 pm

First topic message reminder :


Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?



A: Melt them into a tyre and call it a Good Year.

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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:44 am

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt,
It lies behind stars and under hills, 
And empty holes it fills,
It comes first and follows after, 
Ends life, kills laughter.



PS: this ended up in the wrong place.   You may shoot me !!    head bang


Last edited by wyatt1 on Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:48 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : ps)
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  Bert Assirati on Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:50 am

@Costa wrote:Not amused Keith.

That was my people who died last night.
That's why I put myself back in the doghouse again before you had even red-striped.

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Re: Post your One liners

Post  Bert Assirati on Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:20 am

How about,

"Ladies and gentleman, Didge has left the building."

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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Tue Dec 17, 2013 6:42 pm

Enough is as good as a feast.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:03 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:Enough is as good as a feast.



The meek shall inherit the Earth ...... all 6 ft. by 2 ft. of it. (screw metric and the EUSSR)
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  nicko on Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:13 pm

more like 6'x3' now.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:18 pm

@nicko wrote:more like 6'x3' now.


TeeeHeee, don't encourage them or they will demand more !!!  Grinning 


Happy New Year when it arrives Nicko  Thumbs up 
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  nicko on Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:24 pm

same for you wyatt .
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Dec 30, 2013 2:30 pm

@nicko wrote:same for you wyatt .




The boy stood on the burning deck, his arse against the mast, he wouldn't budge a fkn inch till wotsisname was past.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  nicko on Mon Dec 30, 2013 4:58 pm

the boy stood on the burning deck
eating a block of walls
the ice ran down his trouser leg
and paralised his ba~~s


do you know any more ?
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  Nems on Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:08 pm

@nicko wrote:the boy stood on the burning deck
eating a block of walls
the ice ran down his trouser leg
and paralised his ba~~s


do you know any more ?

The boy stood on the burning deck
eating red hot scallops
one fell down his trouser leg
and scalded his ankle













missed his bolocks completely
 Grinning 
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  nicko on Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:59 pm

the boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
he rolled it into little lumps
and flicked it at his dad



that was a clean one!
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:02 pm

@nicko wrote:the boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
he rolled it into little lumps
and flicked it at his dad



that was a clean one!




The boy stood on the burning deck,
The deck was made of brass
The boy slipped on the burning deck
And landed on his ---
Don't be mistaken, don't be misled,
The boy slipped on the burning deck
And landed on his head.


AND now for something Different:


Mary had a little bike,
She rode it back to front,
And every time the pedal came up,
It hit her in the ......
Don't be mistaken, don't be misled,
Every time the pedal came up
It hit her in the head.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  nicko on Mon Dec 30, 2013 8:17 pm

mary had a little watch

she swallowed it one day


now she's taking beachams pills

to pass the time away.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Dec 30, 2013 10:00 pm

@nicko wrote:mary had a little watch

she swallowed it one day


now she's taking beachams pills

to pass the time away.


The boy stood on the burning deck,His feet were full of blisters.He tore his pants on a rusty nail And had to wear his sister's.        Grinning 
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:03 am

@wyatt1 wrote:


The boy stood on the burning deck,His feet were full of blisters.He tore his pants on a rusty nail And had to wear his sister's.        Grinning 


There was a young man from Brazil,
Who swallowed an atomic pill,
His heart retired,
His arse backfired,
And his willy shot over the hill.     


  ROFL 
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  feelthelove on Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:25 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:


There was a young man from Brazil,
Who swallowed an atomic pill,
His heart retired,
His arse backfired,
And his willy shot over the hill.     


  ROFL 

So this is what you've been getting up to  ROFL 

Your dinner's in the dog 
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:32 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

So this is what you've been getting up to  ROFL 

Your dinner's in the dog 


TeeeHeee,  poor dog !!!    ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG      


A lady who lives in Madras
Has a truly magnificent ass.
It is not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But is grey, has long ears, and eats grass.        bounce
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  feelthelove on Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:44 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:


TeeeHeee,  poor dog !!!    ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG      


A lady who lives in Madras
Has a truly magnificent ass.
It is not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But is grey, has long ears, and eats grass.        bounce

I thought you liked my cooking  ROFL 

My friend Billy 
Had a ten foot willy, 
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake 
And now its only 4 ft 4.
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:48 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

I thought you liked my cooking  ROFL 

My friend Billy 
Had a ten foot willy, 
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake 
And now its only 4 ft 4.


I do I do,  it was Kit wot said that!!!!


There once was a man from Madras
whose balls were spun out of brass
When he rubbed them together
They played “Stormy Weather”
And lightning shot out of his ass


 ROFL
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  feelthelove on Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:31 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:


I do I do,  it was Kit wot said that!!!!


There once was a man from Madras
whose balls were spun out of brass
When he rubbed them together
They played “Stormy Weather”
And lightning shot out of his ass


 ROFL


Hmmm......I'll believe you Mr Wyatt  thousands wouldn't  I love you xxx

There was a young man from Savannah
Who met his end in a curious manner
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana  pale 


    

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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:12 pm

@feelthelove wrote:


Hmmm......I'll believe you Mr Wyatt  thousands wouldn't  I love you xxx

There was a young man from Savannah
Who met his end in a curious manner
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana  pale 


    

There was a young girl from Rabat,

who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

It was fun in the breeding,

But hell in the feeding,

When she found she had no tit for Tat.


   woohoo  woohoo
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Wed Jan 29, 2014 8:44 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:
There was a young girl from Rabat,

who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;

It was fun in the breeding,

But hell in the feeding,

When she found she had no tit for Tat.


   woohoo  woohoo
There was a young man from Racine

Who invented a knobbing machine.

Concave or convex

It would suit either sex,

With attachments for those in between. 


 ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
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Re: Post your One liners

Post  heavenly father on Thu Jan 30, 2014 1:21 am

I often wondered why frisbees get bigger the closer they get, then it hit me... Grinning

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Re: Post your One liners

Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:53 am

@heavenly father wrote:I often wondered why frisbees get bigger the closer they get, then it hit me... Grinning
'My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.'     Wow
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