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Post  wyatt1 on Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:47 pm

"Still throwing spears?" (Question put to an Australian Aborigine during a visit in March 2002)
# "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting)
# "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (Speaking to a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland)
# "It looks as if it was put in by an Indian." (in 1999, referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh)
# "You are a woman, aren't you?" (in 1984, in Kenya, to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift)
# "You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (in 1993, to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary)
# "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (in 1994, to an islander in the Cayman Islands)
# "You managed not to get eaten, then?" (in 1998, to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea)
# "If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." (at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting)
# "Brazilians live there” (On key problems facing Brazil)
# "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (Sharing a joke with a blind, wheelchair-bound girl with a guide-dog)
# "In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation."
# 'Ever been on a plane before? It was just like that.' (To the leader of Paraguay when asked how his flight was)
# 'Deaf? I'm not surprised with that bloody racket!' (To a class of deaf children sat next to a brass band)
# 'Do you have a licence for that?' (To a man in a motorized wheelchair)
# 'If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.' (To British students in China during Royal visit there in 1986.)
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:51 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:"Still throwing spears?" (Question put to an Australian Aborigine during a visit in March 2002)
# "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" (in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting)
# "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" (Speaking to a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland)
# "It looks as if it was put in by an Indian." (in 1999, referring to an old-fashioned fuse box in a factory near Edinburgh)
# "You are a woman, aren't you?" (in 1984, in Kenya, to a native woman who had presented him with a small gift)
# "You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly." (in 1993, to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary)
# "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" (in 1994, to an islander in the Cayman Islands)
# "You managed not to get eaten, then?" (in 1998, to a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea)
# "If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." (at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting)
# "Brazilians live there” (On key problems facing Brazil)
# "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (Sharing a joke with a blind, wheelchair-bound girl with a guide-dog)
# "In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation."
# 'Ever been on a plane before? It was just like that.' (To the leader of Paraguay when asked how his flight was)
# 'Deaf? I'm not surprised with that bloody racket!' (To a class of deaf children sat next to a brass band)
# 'Do you have a licence for that?' (To a man in a motorized wheelchair)
# 'If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed.' (To British students in China during Royal visit there in 1986.)


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Post  Flap Zappa on Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:32 am

A national treasure in my view and probably the last of his kind

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Post  wyatt1 on Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:10 pm

Flap Gallagher wrote:A national treasure in my view and probably the last of his kind
He is the Greatest.    wink



Also Capt. Gen. Royal Marines.  (no PC crap with him !!)
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Post  jadeloue on Fri Apr 18, 2014 10:38 pm

he is an asset to this country one of a kind and he reminds people of what england was stiff upper lip and a sense of humour when we could laugh at everyone and ourselves without being called names god bless him though he was not born english he adopted our ways
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Post  Summers on Fri Apr 18, 2014 10:47 pm

Not trying to be rude but does your Monarchy actually do anything?
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Post  Summers on Fri Apr 18, 2014 10:47 pm

Outside of minor diplomatic things.
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:00 am

@Summers wrote:Not trying to be rude but does your Monarchy actually do anything?


Yep...they help to ensure that we never have a president,  Joey Essex or similar, as an example.
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Post  Flix on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:44 am

I know people go on about the expense of the monarchy but what about the expense of a president, once out of office they still have security so I would suppose the balance is about the same for a Royal Family and a few ex presidents.

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Post  Summers on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:57 am

@Flix wrote:I know people go on about the expense of the monarchy  but what about the expense of a president, once out of office they still have security so I would suppose the balance is about the same for a Royal Family and a few ex presidents.

Why not make the PM the head of state?
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Post  Summers on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:57 am

Or just have your President as a silly PR think like ours.
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Post  Flap Zappa on Sat Apr 19, 2014 1:46 am

@Flix wrote:I know people go on about the expense of the monarchy  but what about the expense of a president, once out of office they still have security so I would suppose the balance is about the same for a Royal Family and a few ex presidents.
no one comes to visit the country to see a president

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Post  Flap Zappa on Sat Apr 19, 2014 1:47 am

@Summers wrote:
@Flix wrote:I know people go on about the expense of the monarchy  but what about the expense of a president, once out of office they still have security so I would suppose the balance is about the same for a Royal Family and a few ex presidents.

Why not make the PM the head of state?
because the queen is above politics. A president or PM is a party man

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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:10 am

@Summers wrote:Or just have your President as a silly PR think like ours.


Remind me summers...what is your president called again?

The first name will do.
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Post  Durham on Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:27 am

@Hugh Jardon wrote:


Remind me summers...what is your president called again?

The first name will do.

With respect Mason, morning btw, who gives a toss?
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:07 am

@Durham wrote:

With respect Mason, morning btw, who gives a toss?

That's just my point....morning Steven.

Today will be another day of  most excellent joinery work...the circular saw is set up and ready. The drills are fully charged and I've got a tub of SPAX (!) 60mm deck screws to get used...  
A further 20 lengths of 32mm chunky deck will be laid and I believe that the baby Jesus' (aah) daddy would be very pleased that whilst he mourns the death of his son, the art of carpentry is being practised....
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Post  Durham on Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:33 am

@Hugh Jardon wrote:

That's just my point....morning Steven.

Today will be another day of  most excellent joinery work...the circular saw is set up and ready. The drills are fully charged and I've got a tub of SPAX (!) 60mm deck screws to get used...  
A further 20 lengths of 32mm chunky deck will be laid and I believe that the baby Jesus' (aah) daddy would be very pleased that whilst he mourns the death of his son, the art of carpentry is being practised....

That is a most fitting tribute to this religous period, Mason. Please do not cut or injure yourself....we wouldnt the passing of any blood borne infections, would we.
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:17 pm

@Durham wrote:

That is a most fitting tribute to this religous period, Mason. Please do not cut or injure yourself....we wouldnt the passing of any blood borne infections, would we.
That is very kind, Steven.
To my utter shame, I failed to to clean out the saw the last time I had finished using it.
Whilst cleaning it yesterday morning, I managed to cut my finger....before I'd even switched the bleeding saw on!
Anyway..one quick trip to the medical cupboard had me all fixed again...
I'm all tetanussed up...and in otherwise decent nick....or soon will be.

In honour of the baby Jesus (ahhh) I'm just having a slice of toast and a cup of tea, that's what he would have had...after noncing about on his cross for a while.
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Post  Durham on Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:55 pm

@Hugh Jardon wrote:
That is very kind, Steven.
To my utter shame, I failed to to clean out the saw the last time I had finished using it.
Whilst cleaning it yesterday morning, I managed to cut my finger....before I'd even switched the bleeding saw on!
Anyway..one quick trip to the medical cupboard had me all fixed again...
I'm all tetanussed up...and in otherwise decent nick....or soon will be.

In honour of the baby Jesus (ahhh) I'm just having a slice of toast and a cup of tea, that's what he would have had...after noncing about on his cross for a while.

No jam?...........or mince?
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:22 pm

@Durham wrote:

No jam?...........or mince?


You know...I reckon that mince on toast would be delicious.....I will try that....
I'm on a full blown bikini diet...and whilst blackberry jam would be lovely, alas I cannot/will not.

It's 2/3 completed now...
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Post  Summers on Sat Apr 19, 2014 6:33 pm

@Hugh Jardon wrote:


Remind me summers...what is your president called again?

The first name will do.

The Leprechaun.
Otherwise known as Michael.

Our President really does absolutely nothing.
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Post  Hugh Jardon on Sat Apr 19, 2014 7:34 pm

@Summers wrote:

The Leprechaun.
Otherwise known as Michael.

Our President really does absolutely nothing.

Could be worse...you could have Putin, Omaha (!) or Hollande.
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Post  Flix on Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:52 pm

Where have all the great politicians gone? I know some of the greatest had their flaws but mostly people had at least some confidence in them. I don't see anyone who could potentially be great, they all seem too afraid of their image being damaged.
None of the ones I see on tv do instil confidence, I wouldn't trust them to go shopping for me with a written list.

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Post  mattiducatti on Fri May 02, 2014 11:16 pm

Some great quotes there. Isn't there a book out with all his funny quotes?

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