Dear Concerned Citizen

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Post  Major on Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:30 pm

A Canadian female liberal wrote a number of letters to the Canadian 
government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents 
(terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System 
facilities. She demanded a response to her letter.

She received back the following reply:
       
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      National Defense Headquarters
      M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
      101 Colonel By Drive
      Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
      Canada

       
     
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[size=18]Dear Concerned Citizen,
       
      Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound 
concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by 
Canadian Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan 
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in 
Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
       
      Our administration takes these matters seriously and your 
opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa .. You will be 
pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we 
are creating a new department here at the Department of National 
Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' 
program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
       
      In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have 
decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them 
in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country, 
under those citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been 
selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard 
to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
       
      Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be 
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your 
letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct 
weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are 
commensurate with your recommendations.
     
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[size=18]        Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope 
that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal
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[size=18]problem' will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are 
correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We 
understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, 
however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.
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      Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about 
your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are 
sure you can reason with him.  He is also expert at making a wide 
variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may 
wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might 
offend him.  Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-
hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a 
pencil or nail clippers.  We advise that you do not ask him to 
demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to 
take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.
       
      Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters 
except sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby 
having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands.  This is a 
particularly sensitive subject for him.
       
      You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around 
women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as 
more appropriate attire.  I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity 
offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 
respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your 
letter.
       
      You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to 
have a counsellor available to help you over any difficulties you 
encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.
       
      Thanks again for your concern.  We truly appreciate it when 
folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and 
care for our fellow man.  Good luck and God bless you.
       
Cordially,
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      Gordon O'Connor
      Minister of National Defense
Major
Major
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Dear Concerned Citizen  Empty Re: Dear Concerned Citizen

Post  Flap Zappa on Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:45 pm

chortle

if only

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