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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 4:01 pm

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."

And she says, "So have I, love."

To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks.

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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 9:54 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."

And she says, "So have I, love."

To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks.

Someone really stinks Crack118 Fantastic! I'm starting to wonder about my sense of humour. I received an email today which said "Guess who I saw at lunchtime today?"

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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:06 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

Someone really stinks Crack118 Fantastic! I'm starting to wonder about my sense of humour. I received an email today which said "Guess who I saw at lunchtime today?"






I am nosey, who wassit who who??? (dont have a nosey smiley) confused
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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:10 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:

I am nosey, who wassit who who??? (dont have a nosey smiley) confused

It was Michael J Fox, at least I think it was. It was at the garden centre and he had his back to the fuschia's ROFL
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:17 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

It was Michael J Fox, at least I think it was. It was at the garden centre and he had his back to the fuschia's ROFL

O well, my gast is quite flabberred :shock: affraid Twisted Evil scratch lol!
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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:20 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:

O well, my gast is quite flabberred :shock: affraid Twisted Evil scratch lol!

It's such a sad joke but I found it really funny, particularly after a tough day at work lol!

I do love a Someone really stinks Giggle36 Life is short after all x
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:26 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

It's such a sad joke but I found it really funny, particularly after a tough day at work lol!

I do love a Someone really stinks Giggle36 Life is short after all x




Have incredible dogs

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
lol! lol!
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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:31 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:




Have incredible dogs

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
lol! lol!

bounce Someone really stinks Dog_216
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:45 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

bounce Someone really stinks Dog_216





Have a life after death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you


:face:
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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:08 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:





Have a life after death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you


:face:

affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:17 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid affraid




Some workers seem to have an awful lot of grannies. Twisted Evil




Evaluating employees

RE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

lol! lol!
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Post  Mystic Moon on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:24 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:




Have incredible dogs

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.

All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
lol! lol!

Coffee Break wins hands down. lol! lol! All of the jokes are very funny. Someone really stinks 3933776953
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:42 pm

@Mystic Moon wrote:

Coffee Break wins hands down. lol! lol! All of the jokes are very funny. Someone really stinks 3933776953





The family of tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
affraid
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Post  feelthelove on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:46 pm

@wyatt1 wrote:





The family of tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
affraid

ROFL
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Post  wyatt1 on Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:52 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

ROFL



What is this?

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"

"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.

"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

Suspect

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Post  Guest on Fri Jul 13, 2012 12:03 am

Bravo

Wyatt i love your jokes


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Post  wyatt1 on Fri Jul 13, 2012 12:05 am

SEXY MAMA wrote: Bravo

Wyatt i love your jokes




Thanks SM, helps to lighten up a bit Thumbs up lol! lol!
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Post  Guest on Fri Jul 13, 2012 12:07 am

It does indeed Wyatt

Thank you so much for these wonderful gems xx

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Post  feelthelove on Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:17 pm

SEXY MAMA wrote:It does indeed Wyatt

Thank you so much for these wonderful gems xx

They are Sexy, a little Someone really stinks Giggle37 never hurt anyone bounce

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.” ROFL
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Post  Mystic Moon on Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:04 pm

Angry Wife
A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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Post  feelthelove on Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:44 pm

@Mystic Moon wrote:
Angry Wife
A man left from work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

affraid lol! lol! lol!
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Post  Guest on Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:48 pm

@feelthelove wrote:

They are Sexy, a little Someone really stinks Giggle37 never hurt anyone bounce

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”


The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.” ROFL




ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL






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Post  Flap Zappa on Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:06 pm

@feelthelove wrote:
@wyatt1 wrote:

I am nosey, who wassit who who??? (dont have a nosey smiley) confused

It was Michael J Fox, at least I think it was. It was at the garden centre and he had his back to the fuschia's Someone really stinks 3562723908

was he vibrating at high speed????

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