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Chips

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Chips Empty Chips

Post  Bert Assirati Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:57 pm

A bloke goes to see his GP and explains that everytime that he goes to the toilet (poo) there's always chips.  The doctor is scepticle and asks if he has been eating lots of chips.

"No, not for over two weeks now."

So the doctor asks him to drop his trousers and pants and has a look around his backside and after a few seconds asks the man to get dressed. 

"Well doc.... is there anything seriously wrong with me?"

"Oh no...."  says the doctor, "Just stop tucking your string vest in your pants."

Bert Assirati
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Chips Empty Re: Chips

Post  wyatt1 Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:52 pm

Patches O'houlihan wrote:A bloke goes to see his GP and explains that everytime that he goes to the toilet (poo) there's always chips.  The doctor is scepticle and asks if he has been eating lots of chips.

"No, not for over two weeks now."

So the doctor asks him to drop his trousers and pants and has a look around his backside and after a few seconds asks the man to get dressed. 

"Well doc.... is there anything seriously wrong with me?"

"Oh no...."  says the doctor, "Just stop tucking your string vest in your pants."
An American, a Frenchman, a Turk and an Englishman are talking about pride.

"I'm proud of our CIA," says the American. "They know things about the world before they even happen."

"I'm proud of our women," says the Frenchman. "They are the most elegant and self-confident women in the world. It's not easy to get them to fuck you."

"I'm proud of our carpet-weaving," says the Turk. "We produce the best quality of carpets in the world. Not everyone can afford them, which is why they have a special place in mansions, hotels and palaces."

The Englishman is silent.

"Is there nothing you're proud of?" asks the American.

"Yeah," says the Englishman, "I'm proud of myself!"

"Why's that?" says the American.

"Last week I fucked a Frenchwoman on a Turkish carpet in a grotty bedsit in Putney - and the CIA don't know about it yet."
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Post  wyatt1 Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:06 pm

A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. 

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. 

"My baby!" screams the mother. 

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse. 

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. 

"What are you doing?!" yells the mother. 

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/sex-and-shit/baby/a-woman-gives-birth-and-a-nurse-takes-the-baby-61#ixzz3Iydd5cmb
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Post  wyatt1 Sun Nov 16, 2014 9:02 pm

Chips Goat
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Chips Empty Re: Chips

Post  wyatt1 Wed Nov 19, 2014 7:18 pm

Chips Images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSatcHMiNlLQpJ8546lmnqU6xRxJv1zwHCxGazEQTb8dM3Fodqv
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Post  wyatt1 Wed Nov 19, 2014 7:27 pm

A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.
The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from."
Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from."
Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.
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Post  wyatt1 Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:00 am

wyatt1 wrote:A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.
The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from."
Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from."
Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the Door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.



lol! lol!
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