Blown up

First topic message reminder :

A young girl unexpectedly walks in on her parents having sex, Mum on top. After surveying the scene for a moment or two, she asks what they are doing.
"I was just letting some of the air out of Dad because he's too fat," said Mum.
The girl replies, "What's the point? The lady next door is just going to blow him up again tomorrow like she usually does."

wyatt1 wrote:





Hi FTL xxx
Hows you

Good move, saved you logging in again


That blonde must be hiding, I can't find her today so instead:


A man goes to the pharmacy. He asks the pharmacist for a black condom. The pharmacist says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think they exist."
"Find one." The man says. "I've seen them, I know that they exist." The pharmacist promises to look, but doesn't believe he'll find anything.
Three days later the man gets a call. It's the pharmacist saying, "I don't believe it but I found a black condom. Come pick it up."
The man comes to the pharmacy. He picks up the condom, but the pharmacist says, "I must ask, why did it have to be black?"
The man replies, "I have to give my condolences to my best friend's widow."

Naughty!

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

I'm good thank you, hope you are too x

The blonde seems to have gone AWOL so........

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.

Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I’m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest.

Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that’s pretty crappy," he thought. "If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.

As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

feelthelove wrote:

Naughty!

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

I'm good thank you, hope you are too x

The blonde seems to have gone AWOL so........

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.

Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I’m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest.

Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that’s pretty crappy," he thought. "If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.

As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Hi FTL XXX
Ouch, bet that made his eyes water

The doorless upstairs Cellar seems to be a success


The blonde is still AWOL
So:

What are your names?

Three Cork men squared up to each other in a Liverpool street.

There they stood in a triangular bust-up. Names were called, aspersions were cast and blows seemed inevitable. Suddenly, like the US cavalry, there appeared a van load of policemen called by a worried passer-by.

'Right boys,' shouted the sergeant, 'let's all calm down and get our heads together. For a start we'll have your names!'

Not wishing to disclose his identity, drunk number one looked around and saw a shop name.

'FW Woolworth, sir,' he said with a smile.

'Well done,' said number two glancing at another sign. 'Mark Spencer,' he cried.

Number three, the worst of all for drink, looked round and then kept up the theme with the totally unforgettable:

'Halifax Building Society!'

wyatt1 wrote:





Hi FTL XXX
Ouch, bet that made his eyes water

The doorless upstairs Cellar seems to be a success


The blonde is still AWOL
So:

What are your names?

Three Cork men squared up to each other in a Liverpool street.

There they stood in a triangular bust-up. Names were called, aspersions were cast and blows seemed inevitable. Suddenly, like the US cavalry, there appeared a van load of policemen called by a worried passer-by.

'Right boys,' shouted the sergeant, 'let's all calm down and get our heads together. For a start we'll have your names!'

Not wishing to disclose his identity, drunk number one looked around and saw a shop name.

'FW Woolworth, sir,' he said with a smile.

'Well done,' said number two glancing at another sign. 'Mark Spencer,' he cried.

Number three, the worst of all for drink, looked round and then kept up the theme with the totally unforgettable:

'Halifax Building Society!'

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

No sign of him so far, I think we're safe

Hope you're well



A man was driving down the road with his monkey in the back of his van.

He sees a hitchhiker and picks him up. They were going down the road talking, when the monkey came flying up front and unzipped the drivers pants and goes to town on him.

The man slaps the monkey and makes him go to the back of the van.

In a few minutes the same thing happens.

The hitchhiker said "Man that is amazing I have never seen anything like that"

The driver says " Do you want to try it?"

The hitchhiker said "Yes, But don't hit me that hard"!

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

No sign of him so far, I think we're safe

Hope you're well



A man was driving down the road with his monkey in the back of his van.

He sees a hitchhiker and picks him up. They were going down the road talking, when the monkey came flying up front and unzipped the drivers pants and goes to town on him.

The man slaps the monkey and makes him go to the back of the van.

In a few minutes the same thing happens.

The hitchhiker said "Man that is amazing I have never seen anything like that"

The driver says " Do you want to try it?"

The hitchhiker said "Yes, But don't hit me that hard"!

Hi FTL xxx

Have you recovered from the party, (when did the cops let you out )

Nothing new on the Cellar front !!!

Dunno where the blonde's gone



So:

This guy went to school and he asked
"May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's."
The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
The teacher asked "Where's the p?
He replied, " running down my leg!"

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

Have you recovered from the party, (when did the cops let you out )

Nothing new on the Cellar front !!!

Dunno where the blonde's gone



So:

This guy went to school and he asked
"May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's."
The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
The teacher asked "Where's the p?
He replied, " running down my leg!"

Hey Mr Wyatt xxx

They let me out 30 minutes after you, apparently it's standard police procedure

Still no blonde?

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay with the others since several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said, "take off my dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she continued, "take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said, "remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

I wonder if it was a thong???

feelthelove wrote:



Hey Mr Wyatt xxx

They let me out 30 minutes after you, apparently it's standard police procedure

Still no blonde?

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay with the others since several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said, "take off my dress." He did this carefully. "Jerves," she continued, "take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said, "remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

I wonder if it was a thong???

Hi FTL xxx

Did you know it has been entered in the 'Eurovision THONG Contest'



She's back so Normal service will be resumed


A blonde tourist goes into a Rick's Cafe world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When Rick tells her it will be $300 She exclaims.."I don't have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland !!!! " To that Rick asks "Anything"?? And the blonde says "yes.. Anything"!! With that, Rick says "Follow me" ..He walks into his private upstairs office and tells her "Come in and close the door"..She does!! He then says "Get on your knees"..She does!!.. He then says take down my zipper"..She does!!... He then says "Go ahead... Take it out" With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!! Rick then says "Well.. Go ahead"!!... She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips.. She says "HELLO, MOM"????

wyatt1 wrote:




Hi FTL xxx

Did you know it has been entered in the 'Eurovision THONG Contest'



She's back so Normal service will be resumed


A blonde tourist goes into a Rick's Cafe world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When Rick tells her it will be $300 She exclaims.."I don't have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland !!!! " To that Rick asks "Anything"?? And the blonde says "yes.. Anything"!! With that, Rick says "Follow me" ..He walks into his private upstairs office and tells her "Come in and close the door"..She does!! He then says "Get on your knees"..She does!!.. He then says take down my zipper"..She does!!... He then says "Go ahead... Take it out" With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!! Rick then says "Well.. Go ahead"!!... She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips.. She says "HELLO, MOM"????

She really has no shame!

Good evening Mr Wyatt, hope you and the kitties are doing well xxx

Forgive me.........

There were two dwarfs who won the lottery. The first thing they did was hire a couple of prostitutes and go to a hotel. Their rooms are next to each other and with a wink, they each take their lady of the night into a room.

The first dwarf is only just in bed when he hears through the wall "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH". Excited that his friend is all ready under way he rips off his clothes. Still he hears "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH,

1-2-3, HUH" from next door, and wonders how his friend can keep going.

He tries to concentrate on what he is doing but is so distracted by the "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH" that despite his and the prostitute's best efforts, he cannot get it up. Even as he was drifting off to an unfulfilled sleep he still hears "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH"

The next day they meet outside the rooms after the prostitutes have left. The second dwarf is still bright red in the face and looks exhausted.

"How was your night?" asked the exhausted one.

"Terrible" replied the first. "I couldn't get an erection."

"You lucky bastard" said the second. "I couldn't even get on the bed."

feelthelove wrote:

She really has no shame!

Good evening Mr Wyatt, hope you and the kitties are doing well xxx

Forgive me.........

There were two dwarfs who won the lottery. The first thing they did was hire a couple of prostitutes and go to a hotel. Their rooms are next to each other and with a wink, they each take their lady of the night into a room.

The first dwarf is only just in bed when he hears through the wall "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH". Excited that his friend is all ready under way he rips off his clothes. Still he hears "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH,

1-2-3, HUH" from next door, and wonders how his friend can keep going.

He tries to concentrate on what he is doing but is so distracted by the "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH" that despite his and the prostitute's best efforts, he cannot get it up. Even as he was drifting off to an unfulfilled sleep he still hears "1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH, 1-2-3, HUH"

The next day they meet outside the rooms after the prostitutes have left. The second dwarf is still bright red in the face and looks exhausted.

"How was your night?" asked the exhausted one.

"Terrible" replied the first. "I couldn't get an erection."

"You lucky bastard" said the second. "I couldn't even get on the bed."

Hi FTL XXX

Careful, you will be declared a 'Dwarfophobe'


How is the door-less Cellar doing ????


Cats n Kit doing fine, in total charge of the Wyatt Residence now

Here she is:

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So,... how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?”
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL XXX

Careful, you will be declared a 'Dwarfophobe'


How is the door-less Cellar doing ????


Cats n Kit doing fine, in total charge of the Wyatt Residence now

Here she is:

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So,... how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?”
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."

Honestly, blondes

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

Not heard a peep from the cellar, all's clear

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.

She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, Sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by!"

feelthelove wrote:

Honestly, blondes

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

Not heard a peep from the cellar, all's clear

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.

She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, Sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by!"

Hi FTL xxx


Brilliant idea the 'doorless' cellar, he can't pick the lock.


All invitations now written in 'invisible ink'





She is as confused as ever


Mind telling me the time?

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx


Brilliant idea the 'doorless' cellar, he can't pick the lock.


All invitations now written in 'invisible ink'





She is as confused as ever


Mind telling me the time?

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"

WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."

BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

Apologies for my absence, been trying to get Hubby back in the cellar following his latest escape

Hope you're well! Happy Valentines

A man comes home from his office in an irritable mood and berates his wife for spending too much money.

"If you would get off your butt once and a while and clean up some," he shouts, "we wouldn't have to pay for a maid!"

"Well," she shouts back, "if you'd make love to me once in a while, we wouldn't have to pay for a gardener."

feelthelove wrote:

Good Evening Mr Wyatt xxx

Apologies for my absence, been trying to get Hubby back in the cellar following his latest escape

Hope you're well! Happy Valentines

A man comes home from his office in an irritable mood and berates his wife for spending too much money.

"If you would get off your butt once and a while and clean up some," he shouts, "we wouldn't have to pay for a maid!"

"Well," she shouts back, "if you'd make love to me once in a while, we wouldn't have to pay for a gardener."

Hiya FTL xxx
So that's what all the choppers were doing (ah... looking for hubby I mean, of course )
Happy Valentine xxx
................................................

A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.

The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.

She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.

He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."

She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"

wyatt1 wrote:



Hiya FTL xxx
So that's what all the choppers were doing (ah... looking for hubby I mean, of course )
Happy Valentine xxx
................................................

A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.

The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.

She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.

He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."

She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"

Hi Wyatt xxx

Hope you've had a good weekend and those kitties are behaving themselves

Stranded on an island.....I'm sure he must have been blonde

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Wyatt xxx

Hope you've had a good weekend and those kitties are behaving themselves

Stranded on an island.....I'm sure he must have been blonde

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

Hi FTL xxx

Hows you.
Kits mad as ever, lovely sunny warm day today

.....................................


Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

wyatt1 wrote:




Hi FTL xxx

Hows you.
Kits mad as ever, lovely sunny warm day today

.....................................


Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well

I'm good thank you x

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well

I'm good thank you x

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

Hiya FTL xxxx

Howya!!!

Kits mad as ever, just bigger


Keep the cellar locked


A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped.

wyatt1 wrote:



Hiya FTL xxxx

Howya!!!

Kits mad as ever, just bigger


Keep the cellar locked


A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped.

Loved that

I'm good thanks Mr Wyatt, hope you are too. You've been missed xxx

Don't worry the cellar door is firmly locked, for now

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night at dinner, she does just that.

About a week later she`s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn`t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor says, “I`m sorry, we didn`t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Nah,” she says, “that`s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

They're not your pills are they?

feelthelove wrote:

Loved that

I'm good thanks Mr Wyatt, hope you are too. You've been missed xxx

Don't worry the cellar door is firmly locked, for now

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night at dinner, she does just that.

About a week later she`s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn`t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off and ravaged me right there on the table!”

The doctor says, “I`m sorry, we didn`t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Nah,” she says, “that`s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.”

They're not your pills are they?

Hi FTL xxx
I'm fine ta!
Not my pills, the daft cat nicked them, he's chasing next door's dog at the moment!!!




A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx
I'm fine ta!
Not my pills, the daft cat nicked them, he's chasing next door's dog at the moment!!!




A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

OMG, I hope the dog is ok Mr Wyatt

How are you? x

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant.

“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free sex.”

“Okay,” agreed one of the guys, “I guess seven.”

“Sorry, I was thinking of eight,” replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

“Two!” said the second guy. “Sorry, it’s three, said the attendant. “Come back and try again.”

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, “I think this contest is rigged.”

“No way,” said his buddy. “My wife won twice last week.”

I'm sure he must have been blonde

feelthelove wrote:

OMG, I hope the dog is ok Mr Wyatt

How are you? x

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant.

“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free sex.”

“Okay,” agreed one of the guys, “I guess seven.”

“Sorry, I was thinking of eight,” replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

“Two!” said the second guy. “Sorry, it’s three, said the attendant. “Come back and try again.”

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, “I think this contest is rigged.”

“No way,” said his buddy. “My wife won twice last week.”

I'm sure he must have been blonde

Hi FTL xxx

I think the dog is OK, but he won't come out of the coal bunker


Cat last seen chasing a JCB!!!!


Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL xxx

I think the dog is OK, but he won't come out of the coal bunker


Cat last seen chasing a JCB!!!!


Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"

Fantastic!!!

Hope you're well Wyatt, I've got the whole evening to myself. Let Hubby out of the cellar to go xxx

So that's chicken for dinner tomorrow then!!!

A blonde walks into a library and shouts “I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES.”

The librarian says, “This is a library."

The blonde says, “Yes I know. I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.”

And the librarian says, one more time, ”But this is a library, miss!”

The blonde goes “Oh,” and whispers, “I’ll have a hamburger a coke and fries!”

feelthelove wrote:

Fantastic!!!

Hope you're well Wyatt, I've got the whole evening to myself. Let Hubby out of the cellar to go xxx

So that's chicken for dinner tomorrow then!!!

A blonde walks into a library and shouts “I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND SOME FRIES.”

The librarian says, “This is a library."

The blonde says, “Yes I know. I’LL HAVE A HAMBURGER A COKE AND FRIES.”

And the librarian says, one more time, ”But this is a library, miss!”

The blonde goes “Oh,” and whispers, “I’ll have a hamburger a coke and fries!”

Hi FTL xxx
If hubby catches a 'flying fish' you're in trouble.
Cellar still escape-proof then!!

Was it the Canary or the Virgin Islands we were going to.



A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.Cop: Do you know where you were going?Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL xxx
If hubby catches a 'flying fish' you're in trouble.
Cellar still escape-proof then!!

Was it the Canary or the Virgin Islands we were going to.



A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.Cop: Do you know where you were going?Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

Hi Wyatt xxx

Cellar is still holding fast fingers crossed! I don't mind which Island just get the flippin pills back off the cat x

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.

”She’s out of control!” the first doctor says. ”She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!”

”That’s nothing,” said the second doctor, ”earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!”

All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway.

”OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!”’

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Wyatt xxx

Cellar is still holding fast fingers crossed! I don't mind which Island just get the flippin pills back off the cat x

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy.

”She’s out of control!” the first doctor says. ”She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!”

”That’s nothing,” said the second doctor, ”earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!”

All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway.

”OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!”’

Hi FTL xxx

OUCH!!!

Cat holed up in dustbin, refuses to release pills, SWAT team on way.


They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.It's called Genitalia

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL xxx

OUCH!!!

Cat holed up in dustbin, refuses to release pills, SWAT team on way.


They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.It's called Genitalia

Thank goodness, those pills don't grown on trees you know Mr Wyatt

I'm on the case xxx

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.

Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

and no, it wasn't me