The Blonde is Back!

First topic message reminder :

For Mr Wyatt, who loves the odd blonde joke or two xxx

Parking

Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park.....", then the electricity goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

feelthelove wrote:Afternoon Mr Wyatt and Gerber xxx

What a beautiful sunny day, I should really unlock the cellar door a while but he's a devil to get back in there once he's out

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Hi FTL xxx

Do you think a longer chain might help??? (nailing one foot to the floor didn't work then??)

Showers here.

Loved that joke!!!!

.................................
How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

Do you think a longer chain might help??? (nailing one foot to the floor didn't work then??)

Showers here.

Loved that joke!!!!

.................................
How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.

Excellent idea Wyatt, we don't want to be inhumane after all, 6 inches do it?

Sammy took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival.

'What would you like to do first, Kim?' asked Sammy. 'I want to get weighed,' she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.

When the ride was over, Sammy again asked Kim what she wanted to do next. 'I want to get weighed,' she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went and because she'd been there before the man guessed Kim's correct weight and Sammy lost his dollar.

Kim and Sammy walked around the carnival and again he asked, 'Where to next?' Kim responded: 'I want to get weighed,' but by this time Sammy figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, 'How'd it go?' she asked. Kim said, 'Oh, Waura, it was wousy.'

My sense of humour is getting worse!!! xxx

feelthelove wrote:

Excellent idea Wyatt, we don't want to be inhumane after all, 6 inches do it?

Sammy took his blonde blind date to a seaside carnival.

'What would you like to do first, Kim?' asked Sammy. 'I want to get weighed,' she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser, who guessed 70 kg. Kim got on the scale and it read 67 kg and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.

When the ride was over, Sammy again asked Kim what she wanted to do next. 'I want to get weighed,' she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went and because she'd been there before the man guessed Kim's correct weight and Sammy lost his dollar.

Kim and Sammy walked around the carnival and again he asked, 'Where to next?' Kim responded: 'I want to get weighed,' but by this time Sammy figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her flatmate, Laura, asked Kim about her blind date, 'How'd it go?' she asked. Kim said, 'Oh, Waura, it was wousy.'

My sense of humour is getting worse!!! xxx

Hi FTL XXX

6 inches?? is that the length of the chain I hope

Tee heee reading Andrea can damage your sense of humour


There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

Delighted to read something still in imperial.

But how does a blonde know the difference ?

gerber wrote:Delighted to read something still in imperial.

But how does a blonde know the difference ?

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.



Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?

A: Fourth grade.


I am not a blondeophobe

Good Afternoon Mr Wyatt xxx

Of course I was referring to the chain

Do you think Andrea may have damaged me forever?

A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day.

So she eases it onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and then opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats that turn to face oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, this causes the highway's worst pileup to date.

Shortly the police show up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs up to the blonde and yells, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by your car?" asks the cop. "I've always been told when you're on the side of the road to use your emergency flashers!," she replied.

feelthelove wrote:Good Afternoon Mr Wyatt xxx

Of course I was referring to the chain

Do you think Andrea may have damaged me forever?

A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day.

So she eases it onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and then opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats that turn to face oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, this causes the highway's worst pileup to date.

Shortly the police show up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs up to the blonde and yells, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by your car?" asks the cop. "I've always been told when you're on the side of the road to use your emergency flashers!," she replied.

Hi FTL xxx
That's a relief
I am not sure if they have come up with a cure for Andreaitis yet, too much makes victims go into convulsions of mad laughter.


A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's just oversmart when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"


(they were all blonde of course!!! )

You can tell that my secretary is a blonde...her computer screen is covered in Tippex.

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"

"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.

"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?"

The lawyer continued. "Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."

There really is no helping her and no Wyatt, it wasn't me! xxx

feelthelove wrote:At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"

"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.

"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?"

The lawyer continued. "Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis."

There really is no helping her and no Wyatt, it wasn't me! xxx

Hi FTL XXX

Sorry I missed you, I have been inventing a new lock for the Attic/Cellar door.

Anyway:-

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab and one sits in the bed of the truck.

The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask.

Clearly frustrated, she responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tail gate!"




ps: we will have to have a go at the brunettes or there will be complaints

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL XXX

Sorry I missed you, I have been inventing a new lock for the Attic/Cellar door.

Anyway:-

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab and one sits in the bed of the truck.

The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask.

Clearly frustrated, she responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tail gate!"




ps: we will have to have a go at the brunettes or there will be complaints

Good Morning Mr Wyatt xxx

No problem, I hope that lock will hold this time. We can't have that again

Hope my babies are ok

What about a Russian blonde???

An attractive Russian blonde was hitch hiking. A trucker pulled over and offered her a ride.

When the blonde got in the cab, she saw all the CB equipment that the driver had installed. She asked the driver, "What's that?"

The driver explained that it was CB equipment and with it, he could contact anyone in the world. The hiker exclaimed, "Anybody in the world!!?? You mean, you could reach my Mother in Russia with that equipment??"

The driver said that she could and the blonde replied, "Gee, I'd do anything for you if you'd contact my Mother. I really miss her."

So the driver pulled the rig over to the side of the road and proceeded to unzip his pants and haul "it" out. The Russia blonde looked at "it" for a minute, confused, then leaned over, took "it" in her hand and yelled, "Hello, Mom??"

feelthelove wrote:

Good Morning Mr Wyatt xxx

No problem, I hope that lock will hold this time. We can't have that again

Hope my babies are ok

What about a Russian blonde???

An attractive Russian blonde was hitch hiking. A trucker pulled over and offered her a ride.

When the blonde got in the cab, she saw all the CB equipment that the driver had installed. She asked the driver, "What's that?"

The driver explained that it was CB equipment and with it, he could contact anyone in the world. The hiker exclaimed, "Anybody in the world!!?? You mean, you could reach my Mother in Russia with that equipment??"

The driver said that she could and the blonde replied, "Gee, I'd do anything for you if you'd contact my Mother. I really miss her."

So the driver pulled the rig over to the side of the road and proceeded to unzip his pants and haul "it" out. The Russia blonde looked at "it" for a minute, confused, then leaned over, took "it" in her hand and yelled, "Hello, Mom??"

Hi FTL XXX

Everything fine, much re-assembling going on. The new lock is very cunning, no key, so it can't be picked.


So:
A ginger man finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. "Ah, hell," says the genie, "What do you want?" The ginger says, "I want a huge mansion with a hundred rooms and twenty floors, all made of pure gold." The genie looks at him and says, "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how much gold that would take? That's impossible. Pick something else." So the ginger says, "I want everyone to stop making fun of my hair colour." The genie says, "So this mansion, you want suite bathrooms?"

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL XXX

Everything fine, much re-assembling going on. The new lock is very cunning, no key, so it can't be picked.


So:
A ginger man finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. "Ah, hell," says the genie, "What do you want?" The ginger says, "I want a huge mansion with a hundred rooms and twenty floors, all made of pure gold." The genie looks at him and says, "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how much gold that would take? That's impossible. Pick something else." So the ginger says, "I want everyone to stop making fun of my hair colour." The genie says, "So this mansion, you want suite bathrooms?"

Is this your attempt to get off the "blonde" topic Mr Wyatt???!

Glad the new lock research is going well, he's safely confined currently x

It was a blondes first day at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.

Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos so that the counterman could view it, and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"

The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."

feelthelove wrote:

Is this your attempt to get off the "blonde" topic Mr Wyatt???!

Glad the new lock research is going well, he's safely confined currently x

It was a blondes first day at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.

Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos so that the counterman could view it, and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"

The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."

Hi FTL XXX

Kit swallowed the lock plans, now I can't get out (at least it works)

I was only trying to make gingers feel at home



Right 2 for 1:

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!



Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL XXX

Kit swallowed the lock plans, now I can't get out (at least it works)

I was only trying to make gingers feel at home



Right 2 for 1:

How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!



Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

Hello Mr Wyatt xxx

I had no idea you were locked in!!!! We need to make contingency plans, you could have been in there for hours

That Kit has a lot to answer for; first the blue pills and now the lock plans

Maybe we should change the subject before we get in serious trouble!

Blonde's Revenge

WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? It matches their mustache.

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it!

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation.

WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? So brunettes can remember them.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible.

WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL? "Has the blonde left yet?'

WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage.

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price.

feelthelove wrote:

Hello Mr Wyatt xxx

I had no idea you were locked in!!!! We need to make contingency plans, you could have been in there for hours

That Kit has a lot to answer for; first the blue pills and now the lock plans

Maybe we should change the subject before we get in serious trouble!

Blonde's Revenge

WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? It matches their mustache.

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it!

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation.

WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? So brunettes can remember them.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible.

WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL? "Has the blonde left yet?'

WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage.

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price.

Hi FTL xxx

I gave Kit the 3rd. degree and she coughed up!!!

I now know how to get our trip to the Moon fixed ...... I am getting a bigger balloon!! (pure brilliance)


More revenge!!!


Q: What do you call it when a redhead goes off the deepend?

A: a ginger snap.

Q: What do gingers look forward to later on in life?

A: Grey Hair

Q: What do you call a redheaded ninja?

A: a ginga

Q: What's the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball?

A: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

Q: Why are ginger kids lucky?

A: They get their own room when they stay at Michael Jackson's house

Q: How can two redheads become invisible in a crowd of three?

A: When they're with a blonde.

Q: Why do redheads take the pill?

A: Wishful thinking.

Q: What do you call a redhead with an attitude?

A: Normal.

Q: What's shorter than an Asian's dick?

A: a Ginger's temper.

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

I gave Kit the 3rd. degree and she coughed up!!!

I now know how to get our trip to the Moon fixed ...... I am getting a bigger balloon!! (pure brilliance)


More revenge!!!


Q: What do you call it when a redhead goes off the deepend?

A: a ginger snap.

Q: What do gingers look forward to later on in life?

A: Grey Hair

Q: What do you call a redheaded ninja?

A: a ginga

Q: What's the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball?

A: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.

Q: Why are ginger kids lucky?

A: They get their own room when they stay at Michael Jackson's house

Q: How can two redheads become invisible in a crowd of three?

A: When they're with a blonde.

Q: Why do redheads take the pill?

A: Wishful thinking.

Q: What do you call a redhead with an attitude?

A: Normal.

Q: What's shorter than an Asian's dick?

A: a Ginger's temper.

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

That's good news, I thought we were going on the Ryanair Submarine with a balconied sea view?

What do they wear on the moon? I need to start planning my going away outfit

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."

The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

That's good news, I thought we were going on the Ryanair Submarine with a balconied sea view?

What do they wear on the moon? I need to start planning my going away outfit

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."

The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Hi FTL xxx

We is still OK for RyanairSubs
This trip is cause we won the Lottery!!! Don't tell anyone.



A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

We is still OK for RyanairSubs
This trip is cause we won the Lottery!!! Don't tell anyone.



A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there.
They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him, "The men with really big dicks and the girls with really, really big boobs were both really, really dumb."
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was.
The boy said, ''Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, dumb blonde, and the longer they talked, the dumber he got.''

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

We won the lottery?! We're rich

Perhaps we should employ a guard for the attic cellar while we're away

Polish Priest

A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

There really is no hope

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

We won the lottery?! We're rich

Perhaps we should employ a guard for the attic cellar while we're away

Polish Priest

A blonde was telling a priest a Polish joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "Do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

There really is no hope

Hi FTL xxx

It took me a week to forge the winning ticket, we might have to head for the moon before the honeymoon!!

Kit volunteered to be guard-cat on the Attic-Cellar, and I am borrowing a shark for the moat!!




Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,
"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

It took me a week to forge the winning ticket, we might have to head for the moon before the honeymoon!!

Kit volunteered to be guard-cat on the Attic-Cellar, and I am borrowing a shark for the moat!!




Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,
"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

You mean we might have to balloon to the moon in sin???

The UFO

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

You mean we might have to balloon to the moon in sin???

The UFO

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

Hi FTL xxx


No we won't be going in a bin, we will use a wicked basket. (I are well edumacated, know wot I mean, innit)


A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."


Good move

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx


No we won't be going in a bin, we will use a wicked basket. (I are well edumacated, know wot I mean, innit)


A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know."


Good move

Loved that one Mr Wyatt xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well. How long is it going to take to get to the moon in our hot air balloon? We will be back in time for the Ryanairsubmarine departure won't we?

After all the trouble sorting the tickets, fighting the cat for the pills, securing Hubby in the attic cellar I don't want to miss it

TGIF

This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays!

The clerk said why do you say that?

The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes!

The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!

feelthelove wrote:

Loved that one Mr Wyatt xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well. How long is it going to take to get to the moon in our hot air balloon? We will be back in time for the Ryanairsubmarine departure won't we?

After all the trouble sorting the tickets, fighting the cat for the pills, securing Hubby in the attic cellar I don't want to miss it

TGIF

This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays!

The clerk said why do you say that?

The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes!

The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!

Hi FTL xxx

The Moon is off , I noticed there is some of it missing, it it keeps on there will be bugger all left to land on.

RyanAirSubs are transporting the shark for moat as a going away present.(lets hope it doesn't eat the crew)


Two Irishmen in London whilst looking for work were strolling down Oxford Street. After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says:

"Murphy,will you have a look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"

Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are, will you have a look at that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."

Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."

Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."

"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."

So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Cockney impression:

"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."

Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"

Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be'Jesus. Mary Mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"

The Owner replies "This is a Dry Cleaners".

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

The Moon is off , I noticed there is some of it missing, it it keeps on there will be bugger all left to land on.

RyanAirSubs are transporting the shark for moat as a going away present.(lets hope it doesn't eat the crew)


Two Irishmen in London whilst looking for work were strolling down Oxford Street. After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says:

"Murphy,will you have a look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"

Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are, will you have a look at that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."

Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."

Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."

"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."

So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Cockney impression:

"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."

Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"

Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be'Jesus. Mary Mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"

The Owner replies "This is a Dry Cleaners".

Hi Mr Wyatt xxx

Hope you're well, the sun has finally arrived in East Anglia so I'm working on my tan ready for the RyanAirSub balcony. You have thought about the breathing apparatus haven't you?

Love to the kitties xxx

The Blonde and the Mirror

Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.

One day three college girls went to the mirror.

The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.

The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.

Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"

Then she suddenly disappeared forever