Blonde Cookbook!

MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I'm lucky the neighbours had some extra bowls to let me borrow.



TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn't get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper.



WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was same as last time for some reason, so washing doesn't seem to help.


THURSDAY: New salad recipe for a change. Prepare ingredients by laying a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I was rolling around in the garden laying on the lettuce heads for one hour and then I got sunburned. 



FRIDAY: Being Friday, it's great to try some treats, so today it's time to make cookies. The recipe calls for placing the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. I beat it to the grocery store to pick up some more milk, came back, but nothing happened to the ingredients I placed in the bowl. I ended up throwing the whole thing out, what a waste. 



SATURDAY: My boyfriend's parents came to our house and stayed for dinner. I wanted to serve roast but we only had hamburgers in the freezer. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and set the dial to roast. Unfortunately, the taste was still almost exactly like hamburger, just a bit roasted. 



This has been a great time cooking and I'm having a lot of fun. I can't wait until we buy a new and much bigger oven, because I want to surprise my boyfriend with chocolate mousse. 



 

wyatt1 wrote:MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I'm lucky the neighbours had some extra bowls to let me borrow.



TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn't get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper.



WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was same as last time for some reason, so washing doesn't seem to help.


THURSDAY: New salad recipe for a change. Prepare ingredients by laying a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I was rolling around in the garden laying on the lettuce heads for one hour and then I got sunburned. 



FRIDAY: Being Friday, it's great to try some treats, so today it's time to make cookies. The recipe calls for placing the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. I beat it to the grocery store to pick up some more milk, came back, but nothing happened to the ingredients I placed in the bowl. I ended up throwing the whole thing out, what a waste. 



SATURDAY: My boyfriend's parents came to our house and stayed for dinner. I wanted to serve roast but we only had hamburgers in the freezer. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and set the dial to roast. Unfortunately, the taste was still almost exactly like hamburger, just a bit roasted. 



This has been a great time cooking and I'm having a lot of fun. I can't wait until we buy a new and much bigger oven, because I want to surprise my boyfriend with chocolate mousse. 



 

That'll be you doing the cooking after the honeymoon then  

PS - you do remember I'm blonde don't you Wyatt??! 



A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. 

"How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. 

"Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. 

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. 

“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies.

feelthelove wrote: That'll be you doing the cooking after the honeymoon then  

PS - you do remember I'm blonde don't you Wyatt??! 



A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. 

"How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. 

"Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. 

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. 

“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies.

 Loss of memory,  you know!!
Blonde ?????  who's blonde ?????      



A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."






OOooErrrrr !! 

wyatt1 wrote: Loss of memory,  you know!!
Blonde ?????  who's blonde ?????      



A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."






OOooErrrrr !! 

Evening Wyatt, didn't you once tell me you used to be blonde?  it'll be our secret x

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. 

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom." 

God love her!

feelthelove wrote:Evening Wyatt, didn't you once tell me you used to be blonde?  it'll be our secret x

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. 

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom." 

God love her!

 Yes I used to be ,   told you the memory was gone .... what am I on about ????    
 

That was a good one   


Now :

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. 

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. 

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" 

To which she replied, "There certainly is!" 

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

 

wyatt1 wrote: Yes I used to be ,   told you the memory was gone .... what am I on about ????    
 

That was a good one   


Now :

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. 

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. 

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" 

To which she replied, "There certainly is!" 

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

 

Good Evening Wyatt  xxx

If it's just your memory you're losing you're in great shape  

Tell me, if you're no longer blonde do you lose your blonde tendencies?   I may go brunette  




A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.


The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your
car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"


"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." 

feelthelove wrote:Good Evening Wyatt  xxx

If it's just your memory you're losing you're in great shape  

Tell me, if you're no longer blonde do you lose your blonde tendencies?   I may go brunette  




A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.


The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your
car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"


"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." 

 Hi FTL  XXXX  

No way did I lose my  blonde tendencies,  just can't remember what to do with them!!!

As you know a Blonde turning Brunette is known as ....... Artificial Intelligence !!!    


And Now:


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.

"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humour."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"






   

wyatt1 wrote: Hi FTL  XXXX  

No way did I lose my  blonde tendencies,  just can't remember what to do with them!!!

As you know a Blonde turning Brunette is known as ....... Artificial Intelligence !!!    


And Now:


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.

"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humour."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"






   

Good Evening Wyatt  xxx

I have you know I is well clever, like most blondes we is misunderstood  


A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out of the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells 

"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

feelthelove wrote:Good Evening Wyatt  xxx

I have you know I is well clever, like most blondes we is misunderstood  


A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out of the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells 

"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

Hi FTL XXX  

Yus  we is misunderstood true enough,   but it's a good excuse sometimes,  how is the Attic/Cellar ???
  


And So:

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."


 

wyatt1 wrote:Hi FTL XXX  

Yus  we is misunderstood true enough,   but it's a good excuse sometimes,  how is the Attic/Cellar ???
  


And So:

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."


 

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Don't worry, the attic/cellar is still fully secure and contingency plans are in place in the event of escape  Once he's out he's a devil to get back in again 

Hope you and the kitties are well x

A blond guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman.

He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian."

The blond goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

It wasn't you was it??  x

feelthelove wrote:
Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Don't worry, the attic/cellar is still fully secure and contingency plans are in place in the event of escape  Once he's out he's a devil to get back in again 

Hope you and the kitties are well x

A blond guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman.

He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian."

The blond goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

It wasn't you was it??  x

Course Not,   I asked her if it was an Olympic Sport ;  I are Hintelligents you knows    
I have posted you a Fukawi Native Tracker in case of a mass break-out from the Attic/Cellar !!! (he also does a very good Boiled Missionary!!!)  




NOW:

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."


   

wyatt1 wrote:Course Not,   I asked her if it was an Olympic Sport ;  I are Hintelligents you knows    
I have posted you a Fukawi Native Tracker in case of a mass break-out from the Attic/Cellar !!! (he also does a very good Boiled Missionary!!!)  




NOW:

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."


   

Hi Wyatt  xxx

Hope you are well! Thank you, I await the Tracker with interest.  I may just let Hubby escape for fun 

Well, you have to be cruel to be kind they say 

Talking of the 

The three finalists in the Women's Olympic swim meet were all novices to international competition. However, all had excelled during the
early going, and after several heats the score was tied; the first match employing the breast stroke would decide the winner.

The gun sounded, and the three young women dove into the water. Nancy finished first, crossing the pool in five seconds flat; Jean finished
less than half a second later.

Bringing up the rear was Mary, a blonde, who finished a full ten seconds after the others. As she completed the lap and climbed from the pool, she sputtered, "I protest! The other women were using their arms!"

........no, it wasn't me 

feelthelove wrote:Hi Wyatt  xxx

Hope you are well! Thank you, I await the Tracker with interest.  I may just let Hubby escape for fun 

Well, you have to be cruel to be kind they say 

Talking of the 

The three finalists in the Women's Olympic swim meet were all novices to international competition. However, all had excelled during the
early going, and after several heats the score was tied; the first match employing the breast stroke would decide the winner.

The gun sounded, and the three young women dove into the water. Nancy finished first, crossing the pool in five seconds flat; Jean finished
less than half a second later.

Bringing up the rear was Mary, a blonde, who finished a full ten seconds after the others. As she completed the lap and climbed from the pool, she sputtered, "I protest! The other women were using their arms!"

........no, it wasn't me 

Let the Tracker chase him round the garden ,   but keep him away from the cooking pot     

What would the World be without our Blonde!!!    


Is this the Prayer you wanted     

Dear Lord, 
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; 
Love to forgive him; 
and Patience for his moods. 
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, 
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

wyatt1 wrote:
Let the Tracker chase him round the garden ,   but keep him away from the cooking pot     

What would the World be without our Blonde!!!    


Is this the Prayer you wanted     

Dear Lord, 
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; 
Love to forgive him; 
and Patience for his moods. 
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, 
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Blimey, he's not that bad! Life imprisonment in the attic/cellar is a perfectly adequate punishment   

You know what they say Wyatt, blondes have more fun  



A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted three miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles .

The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day, the redhead painted five miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blonde four miles he told her not to worry you still have a good
lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted six miles, the brunette five miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well?"

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."


You've got to love her 

feelthelove wrote:Blimey, he's not that bad! Life imprisonment in the attic/cellar is a perfectly adequate punishment   

You know what they say Wyatt, blondes have more fun  



A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted three miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles .

The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day, the redhead painted five miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blonde four miles he told her not to worry you still have a good
lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted six miles, the brunette five miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well?"

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."


You've got to love her 

XXX 

Go easy with the 'Cat o' Nine Tails'     
 
Only Andrea could replace her     






Now:Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
 

wyatt1 wrote:XXX 

Go easy with the 'Cat o' Nine Tails'     
 
Only Andrea could replace her     






Now:Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
 

Evening Mr Wyatt  x

But Andrea is no more, don't worry if she turns up on Speakfree I'll let you know   I will be blaming you for encouraging her   

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow!I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."


  

feelthelove wrote:Evening Mr Wyatt  x

But Andrea is no more, don't worry if she turns up on Speakfree I'll let you know   I will be blaming you for encouraging her   

A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow!I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."


  

Hi FTL xxx  

She be good she be (the blonde)   

Now would I try to lumber you with Andrea ,  perish the thought   

RyanAirSubs are now trying to charge for oxygen, boss denies it saying :  "it's a lot of hot air"

Now:

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them.' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.' replies the wife.
 Her husband retorts:
 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.


 'On the PA system:
 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

 

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL xxx  

She be good she be (the blonde)   

Now would I try to lumber you with Andrea ,  perish the thought   

RyanAirSubs are now trying to charge for oxygen, boss denies it saying :  "it's a lot of hot air"

Now:

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them.' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.' replies the wife.
 Her husband retorts:
 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.


 'On the PA system:
 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

 

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Hope you're well, fantastic joke btw, was it you? 

RyanAirSubs?! This honeymoon is costing a fortune, have you sold the kitties? 

PS - Supply of blue pills arrived this morning, HOW MANY???!!  

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o’clock news.

A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.” The blonde said, “No. A bet’s a bet.”

So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”  

feelthelove wrote:
Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Hope you're well, fantastic joke btw, was it you? 

RyanAirSubs?! This honeymoon is costing a fortune, have you sold the kitties? 

PS - Supply of blue pills arrived this morning, HOW MANY???!!  

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o’clock news.

A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.” The blonde said, “No. A bet’s a bet.”

So the redhead said, “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!”  

Hi FTL XXX  

How you.

We musn't give up on the blonde,  there might be hope yet. 


Kit was selling off the 'blue pills'  to Rocky the Dog so I had to send you the 
3 tons wot were left. Bad influence that Kit!!!    



So:

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. 
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" 
"No darling, it's because you're 25."



 

wyatt1 wrote:
Hi FTL XXX  

How you.

We musn't give up on the blonde,  there might be hope yet. 


Kit was selling off the 'blue pills'  to Rocky the Dog so I had to send you the 
3 tons wot were left. Bad influence that Kit!!!    



So:

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. 
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?" 
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. 
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks. 
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says. 
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" 
"No darling, it's because you're 25."



 

Hi Wyatt  xxx

Poor Rocky, he must have felt he'd got a fifth leg  That Kit has a lot to answer for, how's your nose? 

Those blue pills have taken over the whole attic/cellar! For safety reasons I have evacuated Hubby and the Waiter (he found his way back  ) to the rocket/submarine, not as secure but portable   



A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"


The clerk says, "What denomination?"


The woman says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. "


You've got to love her 

feelthelove wrote:Hi Wyatt  xxx

Poor Rocky, he must have felt he'd got a fifth leg  That Kit has a lot to answer for, how's your nose? 

Those blue pills have taken over the whole attic/cellar! For safety reasons I have evacuated Hubby and the Waiter (he found his way back  ) to the rocket/submarine, not as secure but portable   



A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"


The clerk says, "What denomination?"


The woman says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists. "


You've got to love her 

   Couldn't do without her!!

Rocky is recovering   slowly  

Good thinking  re the Sub/rocket,   keep the torpedoes dry  (strange how they won't work in water !!!!)  Try auctioning the waiter on eBay  


Next:




The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of

"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

 

wyatt1 wrote:   Couldn't do without her!!

Rocky is recovering   slowly  

Good thinking  re the Sub/rocket,   keep the torpedoes dry  (strange how they won't work in water !!!!)  Try auctioning the waiter on eBay  


Next:




The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of

"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

 

Hey Wyatt  xxx
Good to hear Rocky is on the mend, that Kit is a naughty girl   

My turn.......

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


Honestly, maybe she should be in the attic/cellar!  

feelthelove wrote:
Hey Wyatt  xxx
Good to hear Rocky is on the mend, that Kit is a naughty girl   

My turn.......

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


Honestly, maybe she should be in the attic/cellar!  

Hi FTL XXX  

Rocky is doing fine  but 'The Cat Next Door'  has a funny smirk on it's face now !!  



Next:

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbour’s dog starts barks and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbours!' She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?' The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbour’s dog barking all night.'


We can't lock her away,  we would be lost without her !!!   

wyatt1 wrote:

Hi FTL XXX  

Rocky is doing fine  but 'The Cat Next Door'  has a funny smirk on it's face now !!  



Next:

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbour’s dog starts barks and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbours!' She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?' The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbour’s dog barking all night.'


We can't lock her away,  we would be lost without her !!!   

Good Morning Mr Wyatt  xxx

OMG the cat's at it too??!! Who's next?   

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy 

The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" 
 
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. 
 
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. 
 
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"


 You're right, we would be!!!!

feelthelove wrote:Good Morning Mr Wyatt  xxx

OMG the cat's at it too??!! Who's next?   

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy 

The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" 
 
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. 
 
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. 
 
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"


 You're right, we would be!!!!

 Hi Ftl xxx  


Cats, birds, mice ...  the place is getting dangerous.


One thing though,  our blonde never changes     



One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. 
The doctor asked what happened. She said "
I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. 
"What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. 
"They called back."