An Irish Girl comes back for New Year

The others asked, “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call?”
The girl crying replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute."
"Whaaa!!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, daddy. If that’s your wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £4 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

“Now what was it ye said you had become, again?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "A prostitute dad!”

"Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

wyatt1 wrote:The others  asked, “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call?”
The girl crying replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute."
"Whaaa!!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, daddy.  If that’s your wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £4 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

“Now what was it ye said you had become, again?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "A prostitute dad!”

"Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

  Naughty Mr Wyatt!

feelthelove wrote:

  Naughty Mr Wyatt!

A wino was staggering down a country road when he came upon a congregation of Baptists conducting a baptism/conversion ceremony by a river. Not knowing any better, the wino gets in line with the others who are about to be "saved".

It comes to the wino's turn and the old preacher says "Are you ready to be saved, my son?"

The wino nods and the preacher pushed down on his head, dunking him under the water and letting him up after about 10 seconds.

The preacher then says "Have you found Jesus, my son?" The wino says "No, Rev'ernd, I haven't."

Where upon the preacher again dunks the wino into the river and holds him under for about 20 seconds before finally releasing him. The preacher again asks "Have you found Jesus, my son?" The wino says "No, Rev'ernd, I ain't found him yet."

Frustrated, the preacher dunks the wino a third time holding him under water for a full minute. The wino thrashes about under the water until the preacher finally lets him up.

As the wino is coughing and gasping for air the preacher implores him a third time: "Son, have you found Jesus yet?"

The wino says "No, Rev'ernd. I ain't found Jesus. Are you sure this is where he fell in?"