Islamic TV Guide

6.00: G-HadTV.

Morning Prayers.

8.30: Talitubbies.

Talitubbies say "eh-oh". Dipsy & Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

9.00: Shouts of Praise.

More Prayers.

11.00: Jihad's Army.

The Kandahar-on-Sea Battallion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, zionist-backed infidels.

12.00: Ready Steady Jihad.

Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

13.00: Panoramadam.

The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.

14.00: Only Fools and Camels.

Dhal Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

15.00: I love 629.

A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.30: Countdown.

Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?

17.00: Koranation Street.

Dierdre faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30: Middle East Enders.

The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18.30: Top of the Prophets.

Will the Koran be number 1 for the 63,728th week running?

20.00: Big Brother.

Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

11.00: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

Tess, green given.... very good.