The innocence of childhood

Does anyone on here remember those little Ladybird children's books; I used have loads of them and they helped shape my perception of the world that I was about to grow up in to. Here are some examples and what I think would now be covered in them in this day and age:



The new title would be Boys, Girls, Trannies, Gays and Lesbians.




New title to include only black faces and a rewrite of history to say that all music came from black origin. A fold out section on rappers that have been shot.




The road makers will now be called Pissing Potholes & Traffic Cone Hell. The Car Makers will only be available in: German, French, Italian, Korean, Chinese, Japanese and Swedish. There will be an special feature by Clarkson on how to drive like a f**kwit .




A wonderful book this one, the new version will include making IED's from empty cotton reels, pipe cleaners and dad's fertilizer from the shed.




The new version will have special chapters dedicated to LGBT clubs and bars and where in the Capital you can see white faces.


More to follow....

There's now nothing to put in this book




The new version will help your child understand why they are the only white face in their class. It covers world religions and festivals and also explains how Christmas has nothing to do with the Nativity. A glossary of banned playground words is included along with a Childline card should a teacher so much as look at your child.




Does anybody do this anymore? The new title places emphasis on concealment through needlework. Fags, booze, weapons, drugs and even explosives discretely tucked behind some beautiful stitching.






The old masters are replaced with the likes of Banksy, Jackson Pollock, Hockney and Hurst. There is a centre section devoted to passing your unmade bed off as a masterpiece.




Big changes in this title with the emphasis taken aware from care. Your child will learn that most nurses do not speak clear English and that their big, Jamaican sweaty armpits are nothing to be afraid of. A pull out patois guide is included and a helpful explanation of what to do when a nurse kisses her teeth at you when you want a glass of water.


Here are some new titles:

Keithus wrote:

There's now nothing to put in this book




The new version will help your child understand why they are the only white face in their class. It covers world religions and festivals and also explains how Christmas has nothing to do with the Nativity. A glossary of banned playground words is included along with a Childline card should a teacher so much as look at your child.




Does anybody do this anymore? The new title places emphasis on concealment through needlework. Fags, booze, weapons, drugs and even explosives discretely tucked behind some beautiful stitching.






The old masters are replaced with the likes of Banksy, Jackson Pollock, Hockney and Hurst. There is a centre section devoted to passing your unmade bed off as a masterpiece.




Big changes in this title with the emphasis taken aware from care. Your child will learn that most nurses do not speak clear English and that their big, Jamaican sweaty armpits are nothing to be afraid of. A pull out patois guide is included and a helpful explanation of what to do when a nurse kisses her teeth at you when you want a glass of water.


Here are some new titles:

Keith you get worse , very good though.

Bet this one'd go down well nowadays! I remember it being read at school..

Good one Keith!


Makes you think eh?


Polluting society all in the name of progress.


I remember Peter and Jane books, how long before we have Peter and bloody John ones?


f**ked up!

Keithus wrote:

Some people need a guide?

Bottom right corner says 'with goatse'

mattiducatti wrote:Bottom right corner says 'with goatse'

On the topic of shock images, here's a nice little collection of them if you're interested.

https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Offended

As NSFW as you can get by the way.

Queen of Hearts wrote:

On the topic of shock images, here's a nice little collection of them if you're interested.

https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Offended

As NSFW as you can get by the way.

Not that bad, seen worse.......!

mattiducatti wrote:



Not that bad, seen worse.......!

I can direct you to certain places if you're a fan of shock images and the like.

Queen of Hearts wrote:

I can direct you to certain places if you're a fan of shock images and the like.

You mean Anne Widdecombe has a website

Said I seen worse, not that I want to see more thank you very much!!!


Note to self - Don't click on any more of QOH links, he/she is clearly a sick puppy in need of some moral guidance, a psychiatrist, going out more, and a lot less time on the internet!!!

mattiducatti wrote:Said I seen worse, not that I want to see more thank you very much!!!


Note to self - Don't click on any more of QOH links, he/she is clearly a sick puppy in need of some moral guidance, a psychiatrist, going out more, and a lot less time on the internet!!!

Nah, I think I have a good thing going with myself.

You keep telling yourself that,

And if you answer yourself that this is true,

Then ask yourself why you are talking to yourself,

And then answering yourself??

And then ask yourself if things are maybe not quite right up there,

Then if you realise that you are talking to yourself,

And answering yourself,

Maybe things are not quite right......

But then if you think things are ok,

Then (go to top of post).....

:

mattiducatti wrote:You keep telling yourself that,

And if you answer yourself that this is true,

Then ask yourself why you are talking to yourself,

And then answering yourself??

And then ask yourself if things are maybe not quite right up there,

Then if you realise that you are talking to yourself,

And answering yourself,

Maybe things are not quite right......

But then if you think things are ok,

Then (go to top of post).....

What's the harm in talking to yourself every once in a while.
It's nice, you get to know yourself better.

Wasn't there a Noddy book where he got mugged by 3 golliwogs in the woods. ?

ALLAKAKA wrote:Wasn't there a Noddy book where he got mugged by 3 golliwogs in the woods. ?

No.... it was in the Toy Town, south of the river.

Keithus wrote:





No.... it was in the Toy Town, south of the river.

i'm almost positive it was a Noddy book , i'll go and check on Ebay as to the availabilty of this early Crime Cronicle.

Tess wrote:Bet this one'd go down well nowadays! I remember it being read at school..

It is now a reference book for immigration lawyers.

the sewing quide is for those that have been stabbed in the induction of cultrual enrichment