The Blonde is Back!

For Mr Wyatt, who loves the odd blonde joke or two xxx

Parking

Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park.....", then the electricity goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

feelthelove wrote:For Mr Wyatt, who loves the odd blonde joke or two xxx

Parking

Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park.....", then the electricity goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Aha I knew something was missing,

How is you, are you behaving and if so why??

How is the cellar in the attic doing???



Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. "Together, together!" 

wyatt1 wrote:


Aha I knew something was missing,

How is you, are you behaving and if so why??

How is the cellar in the attic doing???



Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. "Together, together!" 

Hey Wyatt, good to see you back xxx

Me, behave.....of course I'm behaving. Cellar door is firmly locked and I have a couple of new temporary guard dogs to assist

Those blondes, honestly

Dumb Male Blonde

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker." Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car" he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber." I have to laugh every time I think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least 5 boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"

feelthelove wrote:

Hey Wyatt, good to see you back xxx

Me, behave.....of course I'm behaving. Cellar door is firmly locked and I have a couple of new temporary guard dogs to assist

Those blondes, honestly

Dumb Male Blonde

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker." Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car" he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber." I have to laugh every time I think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least 5 boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"

Hi FTL XXX

Is that 'Debunker's' headdress in that last smiley????

Glad the attic cellar is secure, if anyone dissappears we can now blame the dogs, good thinking!!



Way down in the back of beyond in Ireland, Murph's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said, "Hey, Murphy! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!"
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murphy! You got you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too."
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!"
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Murphy, you just had yourself another boy!"
Murphy said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?"
The doctor said, "You never know Murphy, it was probably something that happened during conception."
Murphy said, "Ah yeah, during conception."
When Murphy and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?"
She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night..."
Murphy said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's afookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40!!"

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL XXX

Is that 'Debunker's' headdress in that last smiley????

Glad the attic cellar is secure, if anyone dissappears we can now blame the dogs, good thinking!!



Way down in the back of beyond in Ireland, Murph's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said, "Hey, Murphy! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!"
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murphy! You got you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too."
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!"
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Murphy, you just had yourself another boy!"
Murphy said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?"
The doctor said, "You never know Murphy, it was probably something that happened during conception."
Murphy said, "Ah yeah, during conception."
When Murphy and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?"
She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night..."
Murphy said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's afookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40!!"

40!! Oh my God!

Good Afternoon Mr Wyatt xxx

What a fantastic idea about the dogs, I hadn't thought of that little plan

Sneezing

A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde, after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and whipped her box.

The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business.

After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and , the same thing, whipped her box! Finally,the man got the nerve and asked " what was wrong?"

She said that ever time she sneezes she has an orgasm! Oh! The man said, are you taking anything for it? Yes,she said ---- black pepper!!!!

......and no, it wasn't me

feelthelove wrote:

40!! Oh my God!

Good Afternoon Mr Wyatt xxx

What a fantastic idea about the dogs, I hadn't thought of that little plan

Sneezing

A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde, after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and whipped her box.

The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business.

After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and , the same thing, whipped her box! Finally,the man got the nerve and asked " what was wrong?"

She said that ever time she sneezes she has an orgasm! Oh! The man said, are you taking anything for it? Yes,she said ---- black pepper!!!!

......and no, it wasn't me

Hi FTL xxx
How goes it.
This first joke reminds me of the problems with the 'attic cellar':

One time, there was a boy named Johnnie who asked his mom if she wanted to play. She said "No Johnnie, why don't you go next door and see those construction workers build that house."  So Johnnie goes outside and watches them. Then he comes in 6 hours later and his mom asks, "Johnnie what did you do" and he replies, "Well, first we had to put the goddamn door up, but the muthafucker didn't fit, so we had to take the cocksucker back down again, shave a few pussy hairs off, and put the piece of shit back up again." 




#2:

A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry." 

wyatt1 wrote:


Hi FTL xxx
How goes it.
This first joke reminds me of the problems with the 'attic cellar':

One time, there was a boy named Johnnie who asked his mom if she wanted to play. She said "No Johnnie, why don't you go next door and see those construction workers build that house."  So Johnnie goes outside and watches them. Then he comes in 6 hours later and his mom asks, "Johnnie what did you do" and he replies, "Well, first we had to put the goddamn door up, but the muthafucker didn't fit, so we had to take the cocksucker back down again, shave a few pussy hairs off, and put the piece of shit back up again." 




#2:

A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry." 

Oh there really is no hope is there?!

Hi Wyatt xxx

I'm very well thank you, hope you are too! My temporary guard dogs are doing a wonderful job, I feel redundant

How are the kitties today?

A Blonde Cowboy

A sheriff in a small town sees a tall attractive "Blonde" cowboy walking down the side walk wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Naturally the sheriff arrested him and put him in jail charging Indecent Exposure.

As the sheriff is about to leave the jail, he turns and asks the Blonde Cowboy. Why in the world were you walking around in town like that?

The cowboy says. Well, I was in this bar. And this really good looking lady came up to me, took me by the arm and took me out to her motor home. She took off her top and asked me to take off mine. So I did.

She took off her bottom and asked me to take off mine. So I did.

She took off her panties and asked me to take off my shorts. So I did. She got on the bed and said OK cowboy now "go to town." So I did!

feelthelove wrote:

Oh there really is no hope is there?!

Hi Wyatt xxx

I'm very well thank you, hope you are too! My temporary guard dogs are doing a wonderful job, I feel redundant

How are the kitties today?

A Blonde Cowboy

A sheriff in a small town sees a tall attractive "Blonde" cowboy walking down the side walk wearing nothing but a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. Naturally the sheriff arrested him and put him in jail charging Indecent Exposure.

As the sheriff is about to leave the jail, he turns and asks the Blonde Cowboy. Why in the world were you walking around in town like that?

The cowboy says. Well, I was in this bar. And this really good looking lady came up to me, took me by the arm and took me out to her motor home. She took off her top and asked me to take off mine. So I did.

She took off her bottom and asked me to take off mine. So I did.

She took off her panties and asked me to take off my shorts. So I did. She got on the bed and said OK cowboy now "go to town." So I did!

Hi FTL XXX

I,m fine, hows you. Good to know the dogs are doing a good job , kits are busy reading Mrs Slocumbe's quotes



A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Sorry , it is a bit early, haven't had my Andrea yet!!!

Good morning guys.

FTL fab to see you back.
Great thread both, thanks for the smiles and laughs this a.m.

You two should be on stage as a double act. One can sweep and the other hold the dust pan

gerber wrote:Good morning guys.

FTL fab to see you back.
Great thread both, thanks for the smiles and laughs this a.m.

You two should be on stage as a double act. One can sweep and the other hold the dust pan

I bags the dust pan!!!

Here's one for Gerbs our first fan


So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on their farm that survived the winter: a duck. One day the farmer is sittin? down paying off last month?s heating bill when he realized that they were broke. He told his son to go into town and sell the duck for as much money that he could get. So the boy started off to town. He came up to a prostitute that was uglier than the ass of the duck he carried in his arms. The hooker looked straight at the boy and said, "The f**king begins at $10, you got $10?" The boy had no money, so he started to walk away, but the hooker stopped him and said that she would accept that duck in his hands instead of $10. The boy gleefully accepted, so they went off and had sex. An hour later, as the boy was leaving, the hooker pleaded that he f**k her again because it was the best f**king of her life. She offered him the duck back, and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the boy heads home, duck in hand. On the way, the duck gets spooked and flies from the boy?s hands. It flew directly into the path of an oncoming car, obliterating the duck. The man driving gets out and appologizes for the boy?s duck. The man hands the boy 25 dollars for his trouble and goes on his way. Later, the boy goes home and hands his father 25 dollars. The father notices that his son looks exhausted and asks him, "What happened?" The boy?s reply was this: "I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 bucks for a f**ked up duck."




ps: Timothy is our Accountant!!

gerber wrote:Good morning guys.

FTL fab to see you back.
Great thread both, thanks for the smiles and laughs this a.m.

You two should be on stage as a double act. One can sweep and the other hold the dust pan

Thanks Gorgeous Gerber xxx

Oi Mr Wyatt, shouldn't we take turns with the brush!!! We have a fan, who'd have thought it xxx

S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T".

She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T.

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T". The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F", T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"

The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".

There really is no hope......and no, it wasn't me

wyatt1 wrote:


I bags the dust pan!!!

Here's one for Gerbs our first fan


So there was this farmer, his son, and the only animal on their farm that survived the winter: a duck. One day the farmer is sittin? down paying off last month?s heating bill when he realized that they were broke. He told his son to go into town and sell the duck for as much money that he could get. So the boy started off to town. He came up to a prostitute that was uglier than the ass of the duck he carried in his arms. The hooker looked straight at the boy and said, "The f**king begins at $10, you got $10?" The boy had no money, so he started to walk away, but the hooker stopped him and said that she would accept that duck in his hands instead of $10. The boy gleefully accepted, so they went off and had sex. An hour later, as the boy was leaving, the hooker pleaded that he f**k her again because it was the best f**king of her life. She offered him the duck back, and they went at it again. Another hour passes, and the boy heads home, duck in hand. On the way, the duck gets spooked and flies from the boy?s hands. It flew directly into the path of an oncoming car, obliterating the duck. The man driving gets out and appologizes for the boy?s duck. The man hands the boy 25 dollars for his trouble and goes on his way. Later, the boy goes home and hands his father 25 dollars. The father notices that his son looks exhausted and asks him, "What happened?" The boy?s reply was this: "I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 bucks for a f**ked up duck."




ps: Timothy is our Accountant!!

The poor Anas platyrhynchos domesticus

feelthelove wrote:

Thanks Gorgeous Gerber xxx

Oi Mr Wyatt, shouldn't we take turns with the brush!!! We have a fan, who'd have thought it xxx

S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T".

She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T.

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T". The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F", T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"

The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".

There really is no hope......and no, it wasn't me

Hi FTL XXX


Fame at last, we can set up a stage in the 'attic cellar' , move hubby into the broom-cupboard and make him sweep the stage, we'll be rich I tell you RICH!!!!


BLONDE TERMINOLOGY
 
Anally -- occurring yearly 
Artery -- study of paintings 
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria 
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails 
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U 
Caesarian section -- district in Rome 
Cat scan -- searching for kitty 
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her 
Colic -- sheep dog 
Coma -- a punctuation mark 
Congenital -- friendly 
D&C -- where Washington is 
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events 
Dilate -- to live long 
Enema -- not a friend 
Fester -- quicker 
Fibula -- a small lie 
Genital -- non-Jewish 
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game 
Grippe -- suitcase 
Hangnail -- coat hook 
Impotent -- distinguished, well known 
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee 
Labour pain -- got hurt at work 
Medical staff -- doctor's cane 
Morbid -- higher offer 
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate 
Node -- was aware of 
Outpatient -- person who had fainted 
Pap smear -- fatherhood test 
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis 
Post operative -- letter carrier 
Protein -- favouring young people 
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em 
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery 
Rheumatic -- amorous 
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf 
Secretion -- hiding anything 
Seizure -- Roman emperor 
Serology -- study of knighthood 
Tablet -- small tablet 
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport 
Tibia -- country in North Africa 
Tumor -- an extra pair 
Urine -- opposite of you're out 
Varicose -- located nearby 
Vein -- conceited

Before fame really hits and you both leave these shores for some tax haven not frequented by us mortals, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can have both your autographs. In fifty years when I sell them both as a job lot I will then join you

gerber wrote:Before fame really hits and you both leave these shores for some tax haven not frequented by us mortals, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can have both your autographs. In fifty years when I sell them both as a job lot I will then join you

I shall leave the financial arrangements to FTL (do you want our stage names or the 'multi's ???)


So this guy is on speed, which makes him feel really horny, so he walks into a whore house to get himself a good f**k. On the inside he remembers that he's a bit short on cash so he says to the mistress: "Listen, I only have five dollars, can you help me out?" The lady says: "Sure, go up the stairs and go in the door on the right." The guy goes up the stairs and in through the door. He sees a chicken sitting on a table. He is a little disappointed but the speed is kicking in so he figures: "Oh well you get what you pay for!", and he screws that chicken to near death, there are feathers flying everywhere. So the next day the guy is still a bit high and decides to go back to the whorehouse. He says to the madam: "Listen lady, I've only got two bucks today. Can you do anything at all for me?" "Sure!" says the madam. "Go up the stairs and in the door on the left this time". The guy goes in through the door on the left and finds a bunch of guys staring through a two-way mirror at two beautiful lesbians having sex. "This is fantastic. Only two bucks for this!!" the guy says to one of the other men. The other man says "Yes, but you should have been here yesterday, there was a guy in there f**king a chicken!" 

wyatt1 wrote:


I shall leave the financial arrangements to FTL (do you want our stage names or the 'multi's ???)


So this guy is on speed, which makes him feel really horny, so he walks into a whore house to get himself a good f**k. On the inside he remembers that he's a bit short on cash so he says to the mistress: "Listen, I only have five dollars, can you help me out?" The lady says: "Sure, go up the stairs and go in the door on the right." The guy goes up the stairs and in through the door. He sees a chicken sitting on a table. He is a little disappointed but the speed is kicking in so he figures: "Oh well you get what you pay for!", and he screws that chicken to near death, there are feathers flying everywhere. So the next day the guy is still a bit high and decides to go back to the whorehouse. He says to the madam: "Listen lady, I've only got two bucks today. Can you do anything at all for me?" "Sure!" says the madam. "Go up the stairs and in the door on the left this time". The guy goes in through the door on the left and finds a bunch of guys staring through a two-way mirror at two beautiful lesbians having sex. "This is fantastic. Only two bucks for this!!" the guy says to one of the other men. The other man says "Yes, but you should have been here yesterday, there was a guy in there f**king a chicken!" 

All please, I will be in the money. If one is Andrea forget it !

Gerber, check your PM's; autographs duly delivered xxx

Hi Wyatt xxx

Sounds like more cash to spend on the honeymoon. We could even get some more of those blue pills the cat stole

Best we make sure that broom cupboard is totally secure. We don't want to be interrupted mid performance, it'd kill the punchline

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

feelthelove wrote: Gerber, check your PM's; autographs duly delivered xxx

Hi Wyatt xxx

Sounds like more cash to spend on the honeymoon. We could even get some more of those blue pills the cat stole

Best we make sure that broom cupboard is totally secure. We don't want to be interrupted mid performance, it'd kill the punchline

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

Hi FTL xxx

Yes, it will pay for the Ryanair-submarine tickets, and inside toilets!!!

I have shaken the cats vigorously and recovered a week's supply of pills

Will use 6 inch nails on the cupboard

I hope you wore a disguise to the Chemists:
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
......................................................................
Teehee you can't be too careful

wyatt1 wrote:



Hi FTL xxx

Yes, it will pay for the Ryanair-submarine tickets, and inside toilets!!!

I have shaken the cats vigorously and recovered a week's supply of pills

Will use 6 inch nails on the cupboard

I hope you wore a disguise to the Chemists:
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!

All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
......................................................................
Teehee you can't be too careful

Fantastic, loved that one Mr Wyatt!

Great news, I hope you've splashed out for a sea view money being no object and all

I have a sudden recollection of a Bond film, not sure which one

A fire chief had just gotten married and on his honeymoon he informed his new wife that their house was going to be run like a firehouse... he said that they would have sex on the bell system.

He went on to say that one bell meant take your clothes off... two bells meant get into bed... and three bells meant start fooling around.

The fire chief came home from work one day and decided to try out his system.... he hollered "One Bell" and she took off her clothes. He hollered "Two Bells" and she got into bed. He hollered "Three Bells" and they started fooling around like crazy.

A few minutes later, SHE yells "Four Bells." "Four Bells?" the fire chief asks, "What is four bells?" "Let out more hose!" she yelled. "You're nowhere near the fire!"

You guys and gals must be seriously blonde

Who on earth have you Pm'd but it is not me.

Check cellar door is locked before retiring.

XX

gerber wrote:You guys and gals must be seriously blonde

Who on earth have you Pm'd but it is not me.

Check cellar door is locked before retiring.

XX

We is experts on attic-cellars we is


A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Out with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

wyatt1 wrote:


We is experts on attic-cellars we is


A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Out with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

Oh Timothy

gerber wrote:

Oh Timothy

Old Tim!!!.
That is our (me FTL and myself's) accountant


A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

wyatt1 wrote:


We is experts on attic-cellars we is


A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, "Yes."

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"Four cents," he replies.

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Out with my wife." The guy says,

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

Loved that one!

Afternoon Mr Wyatt and Gerber xxx

What a beautiful sunny day, I should really unlock the cellar door a while but he's a devil to get back in there once he's out

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.

She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"