Esther

FORMER That's Life presenter Esther Rantzen has revealed her New Year's Resolution for 2014. And it's not to give up smoking, lose weight or join a gym… it's to have sex with gorilla!

Speaking on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs, the veteran broadcaster told Kirsty Young that there were many experiences she wanted to try before she got too old, and this was one of them.

"There is something magical and exciting about a male gorilla. That immense power combined with such great gentleness is something I find deeply erotic," said Rantzen. "Ever since I was in my twenties I've wondered what it would be like to bed one of these wonderful creatures."

"As one gets older one realises time is running out. I'm all too aware that I'm not getting any younger and I kept thinking to myself, 'if not now, when?' That's when I resolved to do it this year," the 68-year-old presenter added.


Rantzen has already made plans to visit Longleat in the spring to meet Blimbo, the safari park's 23-year-old mountain gorilla. She intends to strip naked and climb into Blimbo's enclosure, luring him down from his tyre and allowing the 40-stone primate to run his huge, leathery hands over every inch of her still girlish body. Esther expects her nipples to harden expectantly as wave after electric wave of desire courses through her, as the beast's teasing fingers make their way inexorably down towards the womanly treasure that has waited so long for their tender simian touch.

Now fully aroused, it is thought that Blimbo will then take the Hearts of Gold star in his arms and consummate the relationship. As his massive throbbing apehood enters her, Rantzen anticipates that she will be elevated to heights of orgasmic rapture that she could previously not have imagined in her wildest dreams. Again and again, the gorilla's powerful thrusts - ten times stronger than those of a man - will cause the toothy Accident Advice Helpline spokeswoman to cry out, 'Oh Blimbo, oh Blimbo, oh Blimbo!'

I'm sure Robert Mugabe will oblige her.

Patches O'houlihan wrote:FORMER That's Life presenter Esther Rantzen has revealed her New Year's Resolution for 2014. And it's not to give up smoking, lose weight or join a gym… it's to have sex with gorilla!

Speaking on Radio 4's Desert Island Discs, the veteran broadcaster told Kirsty Young that there were many experiences she wanted to try before she got too old, and this was one of them.

"There is something magical and exciting about a male gorilla. That immense power combined with such great gentleness is something I find deeply erotic," said Rantzen. "Ever since I was in my twenties I've wondered what it would be like to bed one of these wonderful creatures."

"As one gets older one realises time is running out. I'm all too aware that I'm not getting any younger and I kept thinking to myself, 'if not now, when?' That's when I resolved to do it this year," the 68-year-old presenter added.


Rantzen has already made plans to visit Longleat in the spring to meet Blimbo, the safari park's 23-year-old mountain gorilla. She intends to strip naked and climb into Blimbo's enclosure, luring him down from his tyre and allowing the 40-stone primate to run his huge, leathery hands over every inch of her still girlish body. Esther expects her nipples to harden expectantly as wave after electric wave of desire courses through her, as the beast's teasing fingers make their way inexorably down towards the womanly treasure that has waited so long for their tender simian touch.

Now fully aroused, it is thought that Blimbo will then take the Hearts of Gold star in his arms and consummate the relationship. As his massive throbbing apehood enters her, Rantzen anticipates that she will be elevated to heights of orgasmic rapture that she could previously not have imagined in her wildest dreams. Again and again, the gorilla's powerful thrusts - ten times stronger than those of a man - will cause the toothy Accident Advice Helpline spokeswoman to cry out, 'Oh Blimbo, oh Blimbo, oh Blimbo!'

Nominate her for a Dame-ship(?)