More Mirth

Major Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:06 am

"How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock?" asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
"It's okay," he replies, "but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his fists on the wall."
"Never you mind," says his mother, "don't you let them get to you, just ignore them."
"Aye, that I do," he says, "I just keep playing my bagpipes."

What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland.

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.
I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

I grew up in Glasgow in the 1970s. If you want to know what Glasgow was like in the 1970s, go there now.

Winters can be extremely cold in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his farm worker, Archie.

Noticing, however, that Archie wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the coldest day, the owner asked, 'Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?' Archie replied, not wishing to upset his employer, 'Och, they are a wondrous thing.'

'Then why don't you wear them then?'

Archie explained, 'I was wearing them the first day, but somebody offered to buy me a drink and I didnae hear him.'

A Scotsman took a girl for a romantic ride in his taxi...She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter.

Sheik Abdul Amunkir was admitted to Southampton General Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out for help.

Finally a Scotsman, Willie Murdoch was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, Sheik Abdul sent Willie, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and 10,000 US dollars.

A few days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

Willie Murdoch was shocked that the Sheik did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, 'I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and some money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street.'

To this the Arab replied, 'Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.'

nicko Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:54 am

roflroflroflrofl

Major Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:01 am

Thanks nicko.

Twould be nice if othuz ansud so I know IF jokez are appreciated on here.

I got banned for telling a joke quote from a newspaper on NF

I luv paki jokez.

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