JUDAS Owen speaks to The Daily Mash

MICHAEL Owen feels his career in being seated can continue at the highest level after leaving Manchester United.







His posture is flawless

The collapsible striker was released by the club after caretakers
were doing a closed season clearout at Old Trafford and noticed him in
the corner of a storage cupboard gingerly massaging the back of his
thigh.

Owen said: “I still take a keen interest in the game and from what
I’ve seen from the television in my living room, there’s Premier League
benches out there I think I could definitely sit on whilst looking at my
iPhone and wearing a big Puffa jacket.

“I’m fairly young at 32 – my right leg is still only a toddler – but
I’m not ready to drop a division as most of their benches aren’t heated
and the cold would absolutely cripple me.”

Owen will launch MickeyTV, a new channel in the high 800s of the Sky
box, via which he will encourage managers to call in and make a bid
until he is signed.

The channel will feature soft ­focus footage of him getting off a
coach, sitting on a bench, running up and down a touchline a few times,
sitting back down on a bench and getting on a coach, to show managers
what they could be getting.

Sofa manufacturers DFS are believed to have approached Owen about a sponsorship deal, and Anusol have also shown an interest.

But Owen said: “Although I’ve been concentrating on my sitting, my
heart is still in playing football, and I can’t wait to get back out
there and battle against great defenders like Tony Adams and Marcel
Desailly.

“What? Since when?”