WITH APOLOGIES TO OUR IRISH FRIENDS

Lord Edmund Moletrousers wrote:Please, before you report me to the Thought Police this came to me via Queen's University Belfast:

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird
> > section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
> >
> > The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
> >
> > 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,'
> > says Gerry.
> >
> > The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
> >
> > Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's
> > truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
> >
> > At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
> > 'Dis
> > looks like a grand place..'
> >
> > He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps
> > off
> > the cliff.
> >
> > Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the
> > bottom, killing himself stone dead.
> >
> > Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
> > says
> > 'Fook dat.
> > Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'
> >
> > THERE'S MORE. ...
> >
> > Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
> >
> > He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
> > carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other..
> >
> > 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
> >
> > He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
> >
> > He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
> >
> > Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
> > parrot
> >
> > Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
> > breaks every bone in his body.
> >
> > Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting
> > either!'
> >
> > IT IS NOT OVER YET....
> >
> > Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
> > appears.
> >
> > He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of
> > which he pulls a chicken.
> >
> > Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff
> > and
> > disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
> >
> > Once more Paddy shakes his head.
> > 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus
> > parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'
> >

Tess wrote:Knock knock

Who's there?

An Irish burglar.

Mystic Moon wrote:Oh dear, I didn't mean to take the thread off topic, just adding some other ethnic humor. I like that we can laugh at ourselves. Sorry.

wyatt1 wrote:





John was born and raised as a Protestant, but grew up to do the worst thing he could do. That's right, he married a lovely Papist (Catholic) girl named Mary. Of course, to do so, he had to go to the vestry and take instruction and convert to Catholicism. John and Mary were happy newlyweds, but John did have some difficulty getting used to thinking of himself as a Catholic. He went to see Father Casey, the priest who married them, at the vestry, for some advice.


Father Casey hadn't seen this problem before, and was at a bit of a loss. He suggested that John simply repeat to himself, as often as possible, "You're a Catholic, not a Protestant." So John walked all the way home, muttering to himself, "You're a Catholic, not a Protestant; you're a Catholic, not a Protestant;you're a Catholic, not a Protestant; you're a Catholic, not a Protestant."


That Friday evening, Father Casey made his rounds to greet some of the Parish families. When he got to John and Mary's cottage, he thought he smelled something, and became curious, so he knocked on the door.


Mary greeted him fondly, invited him in, and returned to her chair and resumed her knitting. Before he took a seat, Father Casey asked, "Mary, where's John this fine evening?" Mary answered, "Oh, Father, he's in the kitchen, just over there. Go on through and say hello."


By this time, Father Casey was certain he was smelling a smell that no Catholic family's house should smell of on a Friday night (meat!). Sure enough, he went through to the kitchen and found John, standing over a steak on the pan on the stove. As he spooned the sauce over it, he was heard to repeat:


"You're a trout, not a steak; you're a trout, not a steak; you're a trout, not a steak."