WITH APOLOGIES TO ANYONE WHO IS OFFENDED

This lot came from a Muslim friend:

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London.
> > Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
> > *********************************
> > Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and
> > stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her
> > forehead and realised she was just on standby.
> > *********************************
> > They've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham,
> > Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Luton and London :
> > Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

> > Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?", "I'm sending a
> > voicemail ya thick sod!"
> >
> > ***********************************

An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum
> > with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as
> >> no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.

> > Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six
> > people in the butt in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be
> > following some kind of pattern.
> > ***********************************
> > A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and
> > when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry
> > and
> > reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says
> > Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick
> > nicked."
> > **********************************
> >
> > ******************************************************

> >
> > 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
> > Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."
> > *************************************
> >
> >