Britain declared uninhabitable

BRITAIN is unsuitable for human life, the UN has declared.

It is rather nippy
As forecasters predict ice, snow, darkness and blade-like freezing winds that can actually slice your face off, the UN declared the country uninhabitable and began evacuation procedures.

A UN spokesman said: “We just want to get as many people out alive as possible, then we’ll figure out distributing them across pleasanter places like Spain.

“The weather is obviously a huge concern but Christmas adverts, middle class angst and the presence of Ed Balls’ face also make Britain a humanitarian crisis.

“We’ll be sending helicopters in about a week, keep watching during the X Factor ad breaks for details of where to rendezvous. Maximum two pieces of hand luggage each.

“In the meantime, just stay inside. Do not attempt to leave the house or even look out of the window, it’s far too psychologically damaging.”

Asked why the UN was not taking similar action in Scotland, the spokesman said: “The Scots thrive on misery. It’s like sunlight to them.”

British father-of-two Stephen Malley said: “I leave for work in freezing darkness and then I leave the office in freezing darkness.

“I’m sure this country is like a giant haunted house, actively trying to kill its inhabitants.”



http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/britain-declared-uninhabitable-2012120752399


Must be true it has a http

Of course you read it on t'internet!

Ps it's 79° here today......just saying

Cass wrote:Of course you read it on t'internet!

Yus I is intelligents innit

Cass wrote:Ps it's 79° here today......just saying

Nice and freezing here (NW Scot.) clear sunny no wind, not quite as freezing as 2 days ago.

wyatt1 wrote:


Nice and freezing here (NW Scot.) clear sunny no wind, not quite as freezing as 2 days ago.

Just talked to my mum in east Anglia - they just got back from isle of wight.....no snow and a full 5°forecast for tomorrow

As soon as my boiled eggs are done I'm off for a snooze....I concede this week to you you rascal....you can get all snuggly wuggly with andrea

Cass wrote:

Just talked to my mum in east Anglia - they just got back from isle of wight.....no snow and a full 5°forecast for tomorrow

As soon as my boiled eggs are done I'm off for a snooze....I concede this week to you you rascal....you can get all snuggly wuggly with andrea

No way, your'e not getting out of a 'Mind Meld' with Andrea.

wyatt1 wrote:


No way, your'e not getting out of a 'Mind Meld' with Andrea.

Want to call it a tie again?

Cass wrote:

Want to call it a tie again?

I'm Chicken, I couldn't face an Andrea Mind Meld, my service training wasn't up to it.

wyatt1 wrote:

I'm Chicken, I couldn't face an Andrea Mind Meld, my service training wasn't up to it.

I promise to hold yer hand and if worst comes to the worst I won't let you go down alone!

Cass wrote:

I promise to hold yer hand and if worst comes to the worst I won't let you go down alone!

It's too late , I am willing to make the supreme sacrifice and let you win. ( and cheat vigorously to make sure you do )

wyatt1 wrote:

It's too late , I am willing to make the supreme sacrifice and let you win. ( and cheat vigorously to make sure you do )

I'm going down...mayday

My battery is almost out too....ok eggs and muffins done...off to noddy land ...you sir have been a true star in keeping me amused....I'll put in a good word to her Maj for a knighthood or something....at the very least a box of milk tray xxxx

Cass wrote:

I'm going down...mayday

My battery is almost out too....ok eggs and muffins done...off to noddy land ...you sir have been a true star in keeping me amused....I'll put in a good word to her Maj for a knighthood or something....at the very least a box of milk tray xxxx

Thank you and glad to be of service , a simple knighthood will suffice, take care.

wyatt1 wrote:

It's too late , I am willing to make the supreme sacrifice and let you win. ( and cheat vigorously to make sure you do )

But I will feel guilty dammit, letting you face her with no back-up!!!

wyatt1 wrote:


But I will feel guilty dammit, letting you face her with no back-up!!!

Seems like we're in it together old son....let's take one for the team....once more unto the breach....cry God for Harry, England and Saint George!

Cass wrote:


Seems like we're in it together old son....let's take one for the team....once more unto the breach....cry God for Harry, England and Saint George!

United we stand, Andrea shall not defeat us, God save Pope Flapius1 and all who sail in him !!!