Blonde Cookbook!

First topic message reminder :

MONDAY: The recipe for today is angel food cake. You have to beat 12 eggs separately, so I'm lucky the neighbours had some extra bowls to let me borrow.



TUESDAY: Fruit salad supper, serve without dressing. I didn't get dressed at all, as per recipe, and what a surprise when my boyfriend brought his friends home for supper.



WEDNESDAY: Rice pilaf, wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. I took a good bath and washed very thoroughly, even between my toes. The taste of the rice was same as last time for some reason, so washing doesn't seem to help.


THURSDAY: New salad recipe for a change. Prepare ingredients by laying a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. I was rolling around in the garden laying on the lettuce heads for one hour and then I got sunburned. 



FRIDAY: Being Friday, it's great to try some treats, so today it's time to make cookies. The recipe calls for placing the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. I beat it to the grocery store to pick up some more milk, came back, but nothing happened to the ingredients I placed in the bowl. I ended up throwing the whole thing out, what a waste. 



SATURDAY: My boyfriend's parents came to our house and stayed for dinner. I wanted to serve roast but we only had hamburgers in the freezer. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and set the dial to roast. Unfortunately, the taste was still almost exactly like hamburger, just a bit roasted. 



This has been a great time cooking and I'm having a lot of fun. I can't wait until we buy a new and much bigger oven, because I want to surprise my boyfriend with chocolate mousse. 



 

wyatt1 wrote: Hi Ftl xxx  


Cats, birds, mice ...  the place is getting dangerous.


One thing though,  our blonde never changes     



One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears. 
The doctor asked what happened. She said "
I was ironing and the phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. 
"What happened to the other ear?" the doctor asked. 
"They called back."

  

Afternoon Wyatt  xxx

Who'd want to change a blonde? They say they have more fun 

Do you know what a 710 is ?

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She went on to say that she did not know  exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what  the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'Is there a 710 on this car?

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' If you're not sure what a 710 is, scroll down:

feelthelove wrote:
Afternoon Wyatt  xxx

Who'd want to change a blonde? They say they have more fun 

Do you know what a 710 is ?

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She went on to say that she did not know  exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what  the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'Is there a 710 on this car?

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' If you're not sure what a 710 is, scroll down:

   

Love it,  never heard that one before.    


  

"May I take your order?" the blonde waitress asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," she replied, "we just tell them straight out that they,re going to die."   

feelthelove wrote:Afternoon Wyatt  xxx

Who'd want to change a blonde? They say they have more fun 

Do you know what a 710 is ?

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.

A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She went on to say that she did not know  exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what  the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'Is there a 710 on this car?

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' If you're not sure what a 710 is, scroll down:

   

Love it,  never heard that one before.    


  

"May I take your order?" the blonde waitress asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," she replied, "we just tell them straight out that they,re going to die."   






This posted  twice by itself,   the Forum is HAUNTED I tell you  ..  WE ARE ALL DOOOOMMMED!!!    

wyatt1 wrote:   

Love it,  never heard that one before.    


  

"May I take your order?" the blonde waitress asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," she replied, "we just tell them straight out that they,re going to die."   

I aim to please Mr Wyatt   

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. 

One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer.

She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"  

feelthelove wrote:I aim to please Mr Wyatt   

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. 

One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer.

She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"  

You is very good      and I is unanimous in that !!



Here she is again:


A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, 

"I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."


   

wyatt1 wrote:You is very good      and I is unanimous in that !!



Here she is again:


A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, 

"I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."


   

 Fantastic Mr Wyatt! That's a new one on me too  xxx

Hope you're having a good Bank Holiday weekend, actually sunny today.  Let Hubby out of the Attic/Cellar for a trip to the zoo. I know what you're thinking and no, it wasn't me

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" 

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

You've got to love her  

feelthelove wrote: Fantastic Mr Wyatt! That's a new one on me too  xxx

Hope you're having a good Bank Holiday weekend, actually sunny today.  Let Hubby out of the Attic/Cellar for a trip to the zoo. I know what you're thinking and no, it wasn't me

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" 

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

You've got to love her  

Hi FTL xxx 

Sunny and very hot here.

I hope you weren't trying to sell hubby off to the zoo again.   


 
Blondes ... you can't fault their logic  can you   


One day as a blonde was walking along the shore of a huge lake. 
She spotted another blonde on the opposite shore. 
She cupped her hands together and shouted "How do I get to the other side?" 
The other blonde cupped her hands together and shouted "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!"

See!!!  

wyatt1 wrote:Hi FTL xxx 

Sunny and very hot here.

I hope you weren't trying to sell hubby off to the zoo again.   


 
Blondes ... you can't fault their logic  can you   


One day as a blonde was walking along the shore of a huge lake. 
She spotted another blonde on the opposite shore. 
She cupped her hands together and shouted "How do I get to the other side?" 
The other blonde cupped her hands together and shouted "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!"

See!!!  

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Very hot and sunny here today too, 26 degrees 

 Sell Hubby to the Zoo??? Not after last time, ended up costing me a packet counselling that  back to full health 

And next...............

A blonde,a brunette, and a red-head were walking on the beach. 


A seagull flies over and poops on the blonde's head 


In a disgusted voice, the brunette says," The bathroom is over that hill, I'll run ahead and grab some toilet paper." 


As she leaves, the blonde laughs. "What is so funny?", the red-head asks. 


The blonde says," Look at her. Blondes are supposed to be stupid, and when she comes back, the seagull will be already gone!"   

feelthelove wrote:Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Very hot and sunny here today too, 26 degrees 

 Sell Hubby to the Zoo??? Not after last time, ended up costing me a packet counselling that  back to full health 

And next...............

A blonde,a brunette, and a red-head were walking on the beach. 


A seagull flies over and poops on the blonde's head 


In a disgusted voice, the brunette says," The bathroom is over that hill, I'll run ahead and grab some toilet paper." 


As she leaves, the blonde laughs. "What is so funny?", the red-head asks. 


The blonde says," Look at her. Blondes are supposed to be stupid, and when she comes back, the seagull will be already gone!"   

The Zoo-Keeper was not amused     

Did the Ephalump  finally recover ????  

Now:

While on holiday a Blonde rushes into an English pub and shout's "Help my mother-in-law has sunk up to her ankle's in the bog in the moor's." "Not to worry" replied a local "as soon as I finish this drink I'll come help you". Well the Blonde decide's that he might as well have drink while he wait's. "I think she's probably up to her knee's by now" said the local when he finally finished his drink. "I'm not sure" said the Blonde "I forgot to mention that she went in head first." 

  

wyatt1 wrote:
The Zoo-Keeper was not amused     

Did the Ephalump  finally recover ????  

Now:

While on holiday a Blonde rushes into an English pub and shout's "Help my mother-in-law has sunk up to her ankle's in the bog in the moor's." "Not to worry" replied a local "as soon as I finish this drink I'll come help you". Well the Blonde decide's that he might as well have drink while he wait's. "I think she's probably up to her knee's by now" said the local when he finally finished his drink. "I'm not sure" said the Blonde "I forgot to mention that she went in head first." 

  

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

The  was fine. The chimps will never recover  


A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.  The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters 

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face 

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."   

feelthelove wrote:
Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

The  was fine. The chimps will never recover  


A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.  The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters 

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face 

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."   

The Keeper is still being treated by the Fukawi  'witch doctor'     



Here she is again.


There was two guys that came out of a bar. One looked up and said, "That's the moon." The other one said, "No it's not, that's the sun." They were arguing back and fourth until this Blonde came up. They asked her what it was and she said, "I don't know, I'm not from around here.

   

wyatt1 wrote:The Keeper is still being treated by the Fukawi  'witch doctor'     



Here she is again.


There was two guys that came out of a bar. One looked up and said, "That's the moon." The other one said, "No it's not, that's the sun." They were arguing back and fourth until this Blonde came up. They asked her what it was and she said, "I don't know, I'm not from around here.

   

 Fantastic! 

Evening Wyatt  xxx

Yes, the Keeper is traumatised, who'd have thought you could do that with a trunk? 

I might need your help to fix the sub/rocket, I noticed a few screws are loose  

And now....... 

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. 

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Perhaps we should lock her up!

feelthelove wrote: Fantastic! 

Evening Wyatt  xxx

Yes, the Keeper is traumatised, who'd have thought you could do that with a trunk? 

I might need your help to fix the sub/rocket, I noticed a few screws are loose  

And now....... 

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. 

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Perhaps we should lock her up!

Dangerous things   trunks, specially on Sundays.


I keep tripping over loose screws all the time, where DO they come from ???   


We can't lock her up,  where will we find any  jokes.  It would be a National Disaster,

and they might slap a Tax on her    




NEXT:  
(oops, sorry,  she has escaped ,  so instead)


An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."
 

wyatt1 wrote:Dangerous things   trunks, specially on Sundays.


I keep tripping over loose screws all the time, where DO they come from ???   


We can't lock her up,  where will we find any  jokes.  It would be a National Disaster,

and they might slap a Tax on her    




NEXT:  
(oops, sorry,  she has escaped ,  so instead)


An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each of me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."
 

 Brilliant!

Morning Wyatt  xxx

That's very smart thinking, I hadn't consider where the jokes would come from, blonde!!! 

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone 

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?" 

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is  clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?" 


  

feelthelove wrote: Brilliant!

Morning Wyatt  xxx

That's very smart thinking, I hadn't consider where the jokes would come from, blonde!!! 

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone 

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?" 

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is  clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?" 


  

Aha !! so that's where she escaped to,  I'll be back with a joke in a minute now !!



Got her   




Right:



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn.  She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."  Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"





 

wyatt1 wrote:
Aha !! so that's where she escaped to,  I'll be back with a joke in a minute now !!



Got her   




Right:



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn.  She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."  Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"





 

Hey Mr Wyatt  xxxx

Hope you and the babies are well  It's the weekend for me 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' GO SEAHAWKS! '

And they say blondes are dumb....???     

feelthelove wrote:
Hey Mr Wyatt  xxxx

Hope you and the babies are well  It's the weekend for me 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' GO SEAHAWKS! '

And they say blondes are dumb....???     

Who said that,  it's a diabolical lie   they is all Blondophobes wot accuse us of being thick   innit!!!   




So that's where the Attic/Cellar door got to !!


A Blonde walks into a bar with a door under his arm. "What's with the door?" asked the barman. "Well," said the Blonde "its a safety precaution, lost night I lost my key." "And what happens if you loose the door?" asked the barman. "That's alright, I left the window open. "replied the Blonde.

Not you was it ?????    

wyatt1 wrote:Who said that,  it's a diabolical lie   they is all Blondophobes wot accuse us of being thick   innit!!!   




So that's where the Attic/Cellar door got to !!


A Blonde walks into a bar with a door under his arm. "What's with the door?" asked the barman. "Well," said the Blonde "its a safety precaution, lost night I lost my key." "And what happens if you loose the door?" asked the barman. "That's alright, I left the window open. "replied the Blonde.

Not you was it ?????    

Hi Wyatt  xxx
Brilliant and no it wasn't me  

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory.
She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn’t want the job because it was so boring. 
The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. 
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. 
The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, “I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!” 

feelthelove wrote:Hi Wyatt  xxx
Brilliant and no it wasn't me  

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory.
She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn’t want the job because it was so boring. 
The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. 
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. 
The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, “I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!” 

Hi FTL xxx   

Have  the Wikileaks  from the Attic/Cellar ceased since the rattlesnakes  addition ???    



She's on the loose again:

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."


  

wyatt1 wrote:Hi FTL xxx   

Have  the Wikileaks  from the Attic/Cellar ceased since the rattlesnakes  addition ???    



She's on the loose again:

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."


  

Hi Wyatt  xxx
We've had an unexpected reaction to the addition of the snakes to the attic/cellar   We forgot about the blue pills  I'm not sure how I'm going to get them out 

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there?"Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 229". 

feelthelove wrote:Hi Wyatt  xxx
We've had an unexpected reaction to the addition of the snakes to the attic/cellar   We forgot about the blue pills  I'm not sure how I'm going to get them out 

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there?"Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 229". 

Mein Gott,  have we still got the mongooses ah  mongeese  ...whatever..  the hairy things,  I think they are in the penthouse basement.    


Have you heard what her (the blonde's)  granny was up to ?? :

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Madam, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." The president laughs, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" The president agrees, "Sure, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls aren't square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10am today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."


    What a family !!!    

wyatt1 wrote:Mein Gott,  have we still got the mongooses ah  mongeese  ...whatever..  the hairy things,  I think they are in the penthouse basement.    


Have you heard what her (the blonde's)  granny was up to ?? :

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Madam, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." The president laughs, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" The president agrees, "Sure, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls aren't square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10am today I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."


    What a family !!!    

That's brilliant  x

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well.  Sorry I've neglected our blonde lately, had a major sub/rocket crisis 

Don't panic, Hubby, the waiter and the ex postie from across the road are safely back inside.  Hmmm, I'm sure there were only two before 

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" 

The agent replies, "Just a minute..." 

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. 

feelthelove wrote:That's brilliant  x

Hi Mr Wyatt  xxx

Hope you and the kitties are well.  Sorry I've neglected our blonde lately, had a major sub/rocket crisis 

Don't panic, Hubby, the waiter and the ex postie from across the road are safely back inside.  Hmmm, I'm sure there were only two before 

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" 

The agent replies, "Just a minute..." 

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. 

Hiya FTL xxx  

All is well,  how you?? 

Did you recover the Chinaman as well ??  (we seem to be catching up on Fred West 
   )


Kit n Cats behaving,  Rocky recovering, bird and meeces population safe !!





Our blonde get's her own back on the hairdresser !!!


This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who
knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..
You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of20an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private
room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who f**ked (Language Timothy) up your hair?"


 

wyatt1 wrote:Hiya FTL xxx  

All is well,  how you?? 

Did you recover the Chinaman as well ??  (we seem to be catching up on Fred West 
   )


Kit n Cats behaving,  Rocky recovering, bird and meeces population safe !!





Our blonde get's her own back on the hairdresser !!!


This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who
knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..
You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of20an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private
room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who f**ked     up your hair?"


 

OMG I didn't see that coming   x

I'm good thanks Mr Wyatt  xxx
I haven't recovered the Chinaman no??!! I forgot about him  I was busy trying to rescue a frog from the living room  I wonder what Kit would have made of it??!!!

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. 

She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude." 

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.   


The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" 

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.  

feelthelove wrote:OMG I didn't see that coming   x

I'm good thanks Mr Wyatt  xxx
I haven't recovered the Chinaman no??!! I forgot about him  I was busy trying to rescue a frog from the living room  I wonder what Kit would have made of it??!!!

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. 

She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm nude." 

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.   


The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" 

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral of the story: Not all blondes are dumb.  

Hi FTL xxx  


A Frog,   I didn't know about the  Frenchman,  what was he incarcerated for??    

Kit is taking lessons from the 'Fukawi'  cannonball chef  .   



And our blonde's  Grandad finally cracked :



This 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket.

When she went before the judge he asked her, 'What did you steal?'

She replied, 'A can of peaches.'

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.

She replied that there were six.

The judge said, 'Then I will give you six days in jail.'

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband stood up, and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, 'What is it?'

The husband said, ‘She also stole a can of peas.’