58 letter change a letter game

feelthelove wrote:


OK, I'll believe you, honest 

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"

"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.

"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" The lawyer continued.

"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis." 

wyatt1 wrote:

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? 

She threw it off a cliff.

       

feelthelove wrote:

       


Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. 

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. 

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" 

"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?" 

Not you , was it ??  

wyatt1 wrote:
Morning FTL xxx 



A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked,
 "Is it on or off?"


Not you , was it ??  

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"  

feelthelove wrote:

Afternoon Mr Wyatt  xxx

Pfft, was it me??? Grrr  not to mention the attic cellar! 

Michael drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. 


He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Lindsey was a pretty blonde, and as Michael walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. 


She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Lindsey came running up to him yelling, "Michael! Michael! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!" 


"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?" "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"  

wyatt1 wrote:




Aaaaggghhh   anything but the AtticCellar   




A Blonde's Year in Review
* January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
* February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...Helllooo!!! ... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
* March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
* April
Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours after the power went out!!
* May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
* June
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
* July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
* August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft- top was open.
* September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
* October
Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.
* November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
* December
Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!



TeeeHeee   another "whispergate"   init  

"Nevermind, I got in the back seat by mistake."  

feelthelove wrote:

Hi Mr Wyatt, ok I'll spare you the attic cellar   xxx

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had stripped apart her car. 

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. 

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. 

"Nevermind, I got in the back seat by mistake."  

I gave the Blonde the day of .   

wyatt1 wrote:


There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.








I gave the Blonde the day of .   

''Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?''  

feelthelove wrote:


Hahahaha! Brilliant Mr Wyatt!  x

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some dinner, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. 

The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. 

''Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?''  

Lord Edmund Moletrousers wrote:This four-year-old blonde girl lived in a remote house out in the country, and one stormy night she was alone with her heavily pregnant mum because dad was away on a business trip.

Mum suddenly realised that the new baby was on the way and phoned for the doctor, who drove as quickly as he could through the worsening storm.

At the point of delivery there was a flash of lightning...and all the lights in the house went out.

The doc grabbed a torch out of his pocket and handed it to the little blonde girl saying "quick, shine that torch between your mum's legs to that I can see what I'm doing..."

The little girl watch enthralled as the birth was completed and the doctor told her "you have a new baby brother..." and proceeded to give the infant a slap on the bottom to make him cry and start breathing.

"Hmmmm," said little Miss Blondie. "I'd give him another slap if I were you...he shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place."

wyatt1 wrote:
Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. 
"Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. 
Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" 
The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, 
"Tell me who is our lord and savior?" 
Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out,
 "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. 
Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" 
Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, 
"If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

feelthelove wrote:

How rude   x

An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant's position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality. 


"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"


"I'd have to say the living one." 

wyatt1 wrote:

 She's back !!   


A blonde woman won horse riding lessons. Knowing nothing about riding but wanting to be properly dressed, she went out and bought riding boots. On the day of the first lesson, she showed up wearing only the riding boots. When asked why she was naked except for the boots, she said that she was told it was bareback riding and she didn't have any clothes that just covered the front.

feelthelove wrote:

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

An blonde girl goes to the city hall to register for welfare benefits. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the blonde girl. "10???" says the council worker..


"What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?"


"Naah..." says the blonde girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." 


"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames" 

No, it's not me 

  I believe you 

wyatt1 wrote:






  I believe you 


A blonde's neighbor's house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, "My neighbor's house is on fire!" The operator asked, "Where are you?" The blonde answered, "At my house." The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?" The blonde said, "In a firetruck, duh!"

feelthelove wrote:

It wasn't me, honest 

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!" 


"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." 


"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price." 


"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
 
"No, mother, it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" 


"Well, mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE', so I flew to Alaska."  

wyatt1 wrote:
TeeeHeee !!! when did you get back ?? 

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

feelthelove wrote:

Noooooo it wasn't me! 

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of true/false type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: True for heads, and False for tails. 

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. 

During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. 

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."  

wyatt1 wrote:
  I believe you.





There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

Do you think she was blonde????????????? 

feelthelove wrote:


It's true Mr Wyatt, I'm a good girl 

Two secretaries were talking about their work. "I hate filing," said one. 

"No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I'm looking for. I forget where I have filed them." 

"I used to have that problem too, but no more," her blonde friend said. 

"Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can't miss it!" 


Do you think she was blonde????????????? 

wyatt1 wrote:

I suspect a dye job there 


Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? 
A: A space invader.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? 
A: It's too hard to retrain them.

OMG, I really am blonde, too many blonde moments there for comfort 

feelthelove wrote:

We all have the odd blonde moment Mr Wyatt.................


when you turn the music down in your car when looking for a street sign, so you can see it better.


when you go to use your curling-iron/straightener and realize you didn't even plug it in. 


when you forget what your natural hair color is 


when you're looking for your phone while it's in your hand 


when you realize you're driving around without your lights on at night


when you're scared to enter through a revolving door. 


when you think your phone is charging, but really it's not even plugged into the wall. 


when you can't remember if a memory you have was real life, or a dream. 


when you keep talking after a call is dropped. 


when you think someone stole your car because you forgot where you parked. 


when you pour conditioner in your hair instead of shampoo. 


when you can't remember if you put detergent in the washer so you rewash your clothes 


when you're not sure how to spell a word, so you change the whole sentence instead. 


when anytime you write Wednesday you mentally say "wed-nes-day". 


when you check to make sure it's hairspray you're about to use on your hair instead of perfume or something else when you manage to lose something that was in your hand 5 minutes ago. 


when you have to ask someone what YOLO means... 


when everyone is still laughing about a joke you still don't get. 


when you pull in to put gas in your car and forget what side it is on and pull on the wrong side. 


when you lift your water bottle by the cap and after it spills everywhere.


when you're laying in bed, scrolling through text messages and drop your phone on your face 


when you can't remember if you put detergent in the washer so you rewash your clothes. 


when you prepare yourself before stepping onto an escalator. 


when you ask what comes on a BLT. 


When you don't know what your nail lady just said, so you smile & nod hoping it wasn't a question. 


when you try to get out of the car with your seatbelt still on. 


when you have to take a second to think about if you have makeup on before you rub your eyes. 


when you save a file, then have no clue where you saved it to.


when you park too far from the gas pump and the nozzle doesn't reach 


when you're watching commercials to a show you've recorded. 


when you spend forever digging through your makeup bag trying to find something. Turns out its right in front of you.. 


when you forget to put a bra on. 


when you try to use a big word and it ends up being totally out of context. 


when it takes entirely too long for you to find the beginning of the tape roll 


when standing infront of a paper towel dispenser waving your hand, only to realize it isn't motion sensitive


when you spell a word right, but it still looks wrong. 


when you meow back to your cat. 


when you temporarily forget what year it is when writing the date 


when you think you're trapped on an escalator because it stopped moving. 


when you're staring into your closet for 30 minutes when deciding what to wear. 


when you forget what day it is. 


when you check the time on your phone... then you check it again because you weren't paying attention the first time.


OMG, I really am blonde, too many blonde moments there for comfort 

wyatt1 wrote:

Ditto
Plus getting to the top of the stairs and wondering what I came for. 


Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? 
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? 
A: Bobbing for French fries.

feelthelove wrote:

I had that problem with the stairs Mr Wyatt, I moved to a bungalow  xxx

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 200,000 miles on it. 


One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "If I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." 


The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 60,000 miles on it."  

I had that problem with the stairs Mr Wyatt, I moved to a bungalow  xxx